The 9 Levels of Toy Hell: A Parent’s Journey

The First Level

Ah, the remnants of babyhood, those hopeful toys bought before your little one even arrived. You remember, right? “$42 for a squeaky toy? Cheaper than a dinner out!” you said, brimming with excitement. And now, that ridiculous squeaky giraffe mocks you from the towering pile of forgotten toys.

The Second Level

“We must protect our child!” became your mantra. All toys must be wooden, organic, and stained with the essence of pomegranates. Let’s keep those commercial characters far away from our precious snowflake’s mind.

The Third Level

“HELLO! I’M ELMO! LET’S BE FRIENDS!” ELMO’S voice blares louder than a ’90s rock concert! And there’s no shutting it off once the batteries have melted into a toxic mess. ELMO loves fun, especially when you’re trying to take a shower!

The Fourth Level

A teacher mentioned fine motor skills, and suddenly you’re knee-deep in giant Duplos and marble runs. You thought it would be a bonding experience, but instead, it’s just a chaotic mess of why can’t anything stay together and why is everyone crying?

The Fifth Level

Superheroes are everywhere, and they seem to multiply faster than you can keep track of. Seriously, there are so many of them!

The Sixth Level

The government has decided your child is now old enough to not eat every colorful plastic toy in sight. Hooray! But they won’t help you replace the vacuum that just swallowed a dozen LEGO pieces.

The Seventh Level

Sunshine is great, right? Let’s make art with chalk, blow bubbles, and shoot foam rockets at the neighbors. But for the love of all that is good, get outside! And leave the rockets out there!

The Eighth Level

This is the “Let’s spend more time together” level. The “Oops, you broke your foot jumping off the play structure” level. You’ve got too much stuff, and you’re scratching your head wondering what could possibly entertain the kids without taking over the house. Cooking sets sound fun! Who doesn’t want to chop fake veggies? But really, can’t someone else just cook dinner for once? quiet weeping

The Ninth Level

And finally, everything costs an arm and a leg. Nothing is under $200. Except for those pesky accessories. “$42 for a bag or charger? It’s a bargain compared to a night out!” you find yourself reasoning.

This article was originally published on March 27, 2015. If you’re looking for more insight into navigating parenthood, check out our other posts on home insemination kit.

In summary, toy shopping can feel like an exhausting journey through various levels of absurdity and frustration. From the naive purchases made pre-baby to the expensive toys that seem to multiply overnight, every parent can relate to these stages. And if you’re exploring family options, makeamom.com is a great resource for learning about home insemination methods, while Healthline provides excellent information on intrauterine insemination.