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13 Things I Say to My Preteen Daughter, With Real Translations
Navigating the world as a mom to a preteen girl can be intense. Some days, I feel like I’m on autopilot, repeating the same phrases, only to be met with heavy sighs and eye rolls. These lines seem to be the traditions every mother hands down, often met with the same indifference as the generation before. Watching my daughter express her feelings so openly is both impressive and daunting. It made me wonder—what if I dared to say what I truly mean? So, here goes.
What I Say: “You don’t know everything.”
What I Mean: Honestly, I’m worried you might be smarter than me. As your mom, I thought I’d have it all figured out by now, but most days, I’m just figuring it out as I go.
What I Say: “Please be nice to your brothers; they look up to you.”
What I Mean: Seriously, stop tormenting them! Sure, they can be annoying, but they really admire you. How you treat them will shape how they treat others in the future. I’d rather they don’t end up with someone who bosses them around.
What I Say: “You can always talk to me about sex.”
What I Mean: Let’s be honest, I’m terrible at these conversations. When you were four and asked about your vagina, I called it your “front butt.” And when you were eight and asked how babies get made, I told you a bean sprouted into one (thanks, Jack and the Beanstalk). I wish I had all the right answers, but when you mentioned condoms, I panicked and blurted, “I have more experience with those than your friends.” You were spot on calling me awkward.
What I Say: “Stop being so dramatic.”
What I Mean: I totally get that you feel like everything is against you because I feel that way sometimes too. Your hormones are wild, but let’s tone down the theatrics a bit, okay?
What I Say: “If you roll your eyes at me one more time…”
What I Mean: Seriously, my head might spin around like in a horror movie if I see those eye whites again. Also, I may need to call my mom and apologize for every eye roll I ever gave her.
What I Say: “Pick up your clothes; I’m not your maid.”
What I Mean: I wish I didn’t have to play maid in the first place!
What I Say: “Go to your room before I say something I’ll regret.”
What I Mean: Just leave me alone for a moment so I can vent behind your back.
What I Say: “Be careful.”
What I Mean: There are a million things that could go wrong when you’re out of my sight. If anything happened to you, I don’t know how I’d cope. You’re my world, and my love for you is so intense it’s scary.
What I Say: “Stop eating candy.”
What I Mean: I’m worried there won’t be enough candy left for me!
What I Say: “Boys can wait.”
What I Mean: Don’t rush into relationships. Enjoy being young! Remember when I read you that book about Chickerella? She and the rooster didn’t even get married—just started their own fashion line. That’s a good message!
What I Say: “I don’t like you hanging out with that girl.”
What I Mean: I see trouble brewing, and I’m not a fan. Choose your friends wisely; trust your gut. I know who’s been talking to you about condoms now.
What I Say: “Do your homework.”
What I Mean: Please, I beg you, don’t ask me for help with your math! I seriously can’t wrap my head around any of it. I must have missed the new math they invented in the ’90s.
What I Say: “I’m NOT going to tell you again…”
What I Mean: We both know I’ll probably tell you five more times. You’d be amazed at how much I’d buy you if you actually listened the first time. Instead, I’ll just keep accumulating yoga pants because that’s more likely.
For more insight on parenting and home insemination, you might want to check out this post and also this authoritative source on the topic. If you’re curious about pregnancy processes, here’s an excellent resource.
In summary, parenting a preteen can be challenging, but I hope sharing these “translations” gives you a chuckle and some solidarity. Remember, we’re all just winging it!