24 Whoppers Parents Tell Their Toddlers

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Parenting can be a wild ride, and sometimes we find ourselves spinning a few tall tales to make life a little easier. Here are 24 common fibs that parents tell their tiny humans, because let’s face it, survival is the name of the game.

1. Big kids don’t have accidents. Sure, they might not in your toddler’s eyes, but we all remember those moments of desperation—like that time during a marathon or after Taco Tuesday when moderation was just a suggestion.
2. We’re leaving now! Yeah, right. You’re really just trying to pry those little fingers off the monkey bars while they throw a full-on tantrum.
3. You can stay here, but I’m going home. You know you’re not going anywhere without your child, but the thought of cozying up with some cookie dough ice cream and binge-watching “The Vampire Diaries” is tempting.
4. You can’t have dessert until you eat your veggies. Well, actually, that’s not true at all! Mom indulges in dessert without a second thought.
5. We’re out of M&Ms. Not quite! They’re stashed away in the pantry, hidden in a box that once held Wheat Thins, waiting for the moment your little one is asleep.
6. Don’t call people names. Sometimes, it’s necessary—like when that rude person at the post office didn’t hold the door for you!
7. If you don’t brush your teeth, they will fall out. But let’s be honest, those baby teeth are destined to fall out no matter what.
8. Mama has a boo-boo. Really, Mama just needs a nap.
9. Daddy misses you! More like Mama needs a break—preferably with a glass of wine.
10. Mama needs a break. A Valium wouldn’t hurt, either.
11. It’s broken. You just took out the batteries because you reached your limit with that noisy toy.
12. It’s a popped balloon animal. Nope, it’s a condom. But let’s not go there!
13. It’s yucky. In reality, it’s a delicious Starbucks drink that’s pure bliss in a cup.
14. It’s a milkshake! Sorry kid, it’s actually a spinach smoothie.
15. It’s candy! No, it’s just Tylenol.
16. It’s lemonade! Nope, it’s a laxative.
17. It’s just a little scratch! It’s gushing more blood than a horror movie!
18. It’s a magic potion! In reality, it’s rubbing alcohol that’s going to sting.
19. It’s just a little bug! OMG, it’s a cockroach, and you need to evacuate the house NOW!
20. Dora isn’t on right now. It’s off because you just can’t deal with another episode of that purple monkey.
21. I don’t know where The Very Hungry Caterpillar is. It’s on top of the fridge, and you’re done hearing about that caterpillar’s munchies.
22. You’re driving me crazy! Let’s be real, you checked into Crazytown the moment your child was born.
23. If you don’t stop by the count of three… You never actually finish that sentence, do you?
24. That’s it, I’m done! You’ll never truly be done. Once you’ve had a kid, you’re in for the long haul of their antics.

Honesty might be the best policy, but sometimes a little fib is what gets parents through the toddler years. For more on parenting and related topics, you can check out this post on home insemination or learn from the experts at Make a Mom about home insemination. Plus, for reliable information on pregnancy, visit the CDC.

In summary, parenting is full of little lies that help us navigate the chaos of toddlers. These fibs make life a bit smoother, allowing us to cope with the beautiful and often exhausting journey of raising kids.