Updated: Jan. 12, 2016
Originally Published: June 26, 2014
After countless hours of chatting with fellow stay-at-home parents (SAHPs) at the playground, I’ve come to realize that our experiences, frustrations, and challenges often mirror one another. Since we SAHPs share a common understanding, this list is crafted to guide our partners in maintaining harmony at home. Remember, a happy SAHP contributes to a happier family dynamic! So, partner parents, please steer clear of these phrases:
- “Wow, the house is a bit cluttered.”
Seriously? I’ve tidied up the living room three times already! Those toys have been sorted and scattered more times than I can count. While you’re commenting on the mess, maybe lend a hand by grabbing the cleaning supplies and help out while engaging the kids. I’ll be over here—taking a necessary break. - “What did you do all day?”
If a fellow SAHP asks, I might jokingly say “nothing.” But that doesn’t give you the right to imply I’m spending my day binge-watching TV. When you ask this, I often find myself at a loss for words. How can I convey the complexities of a day filled with imaginative play and constant negotiations? It’s odd how the kids seem glued to their screens when you’re around, yet they’re fully engaged with me. - “You seem to be raising your voice a lot.”
Really? Go ahead and try herding toddlers while endlessly repeating, “Let’s put your shoes on.” After a few rounds of chasing a giggling child and dealing with wardrobe malfunctions, I challenge you to keep your cool. By the end of the day, I might just sound like a broken record…and it’s a bit much. - “I just need some time to unwind when I get home.”
Oh, really? I suggest you take a detour for some “me” time on your way home. Until the kids are peacefully asleep, expect to hear some noise. Silence is a luxury I can’t afford until bedtime. - “You didn’t pick up the ________ today?” (e.g., dish soap, snacks, etc.)
Are we out of dish soap? You could have easily grabbed some on your way home or during your lunch break. Please don’t follow up with, “What did you do all day?” because let’s be honest: I didn’t take my little tornado to the store for dish soap. The kids are alive, and that’s a win for today. - “You should take a break. Hire a babysitter.”
Of course, I’d love some time off, but my meltdown at 6:15 p.m. was triggered by your unexpected late arrival. This isn’t about needing a babysitter; it’s about better planning on your part so I can maintain my sanity. Got it? - “When was the last time you treated yourself to a shower?”
Just don’t. It’s a sensitive topic. - “You just need to turn it into a game.”
Oh really? Do you think that toddler tantrums will magically disappear if I make things fun? Sure, that’ll work—said no parent ever. By the end of the day, I’m more inclined to institute bribes than play games. Bedtime can’t come soon enough. - “Have you considered getting a haircut?”
Funny how self-care takes a backseat when you’re wrangling kids all day. Why don’t you schedule that for me, including finding a babysitter?
Feel free to share your own suggestions for keeping SAHPs happy below. My child just discovered matches, so I need to go handle that…
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Summary:
This article humorously outlines nine questions stay-at-home parents prefer their partners avoid, emphasizing the challenges they face daily. It highlights the importance of empathy and support from partners, encouraging a better understanding of the SAHP experience.