Dear Kids,

home insemination Kit

Let’s keep it real for a second—things are getting a bit wild around here. I’ve only been at your house for a few days, and your dad is already considering sending me back to the North Pole for good, like, forever! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a pretty sweet setup with Santa, sipping hot cocoa and jamming to holiday tunes. But I’m here to help you out, so let’s talk about what’s really going on.

Where Did the Kindness Go?

First off, where did the kindness go? You think I’m not paying attention? Lucy, I saw the sneaky move you pulled on your little sister earlier. That was not cool! The whole point of the Elf on the Shelf gig is to help you be on your best behavior during the holidays, not keep doing the same stuff. Now I have to report that to Santa!

About Those Gifts…

And about those gifts you’ve been whispering to me about? A flying skateboard for a 7-year-old? Not happening! Let’s be realistic here. How about some cool trading cards or a neat video game instead?

A Little Secret

Here’s a little secret to help you out: whatever you do at school, try doing that at home. I see you sitting up straight, paying attention, and being polite in class. It’s like you’re living a double life! Just straighten things out quickly, because your dad is ready to teach you a lesson, and your mom is definitely not happy right now. Good luck, my friends—you’re gonna need it!

Happy Holidays!

Your Elf

P.S. For more information on home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from ACOG. And if you’re looking for the best tools, Make a Mom has some great options!

In summary, this letter serves as a friendly reminder for kids to behave better during the holiday season, while also providing them with a humorous take on their actions. It encourages them to reflect on their behavior both at home and at school, while linking to valuable resources for those interested in home insemination.