9 Reasons I Don’t Make My Kids Share

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Imagine this scenario: You’re comfortably settled at your favorite café, sipping a warm drink while typing away on your laptop. Suddenly, a stranger approaches and says, “Hey, can I use that for a bit?” You respond, “Um, no. This is MY laptop.” The stranger insists, “That’s not fair! It’s my turn!” Then they go and get the barista, who intervenes and takes your laptop away. Sounds absurd, right? That’s probably how our kids feel when we force them to share.

Here are 9 reasons I choose not to make my kids share with others:

1. No Way I’m Rocking This Boat: If my kid is deeply engaged in an activity that doesn’t involve a timer, everyone else had better stay clear. It’s like I wouldn’t snatch away your cake ingredients mid-baking, right? When my kid is focused, they’ll ask for help if they need it.
2. Concentration Matters: Picture reading a thrilling mystery and just as you discover who the culprit is, someone yanks your book away. I’d lose my mind if I couldn’t dive into something without interruptions. Oh wait, that’s already my life as a parent!
3. Not My Job to Sabotage: I won’t be the one to snatch that crucial Lego piece from my child when they’re building something impressive. Those are their Legos; they set the rules.
4. Sharing is Just Odd: Seriously, do adults share their cars or couches? Last time I checked, I’m not a sister wife!
5. Forget Fairness: Contrary to what kids think, life isn’t fair. That’s just how it is. Yes, one child might have had the toy longer. Tough luck, kid. You’ll survive!
6. Choices Are Key: My entire parenting journey has revolved around teaching my kids to make their own decisions. Their choices lead to their consequences. I’m not about to reverse that just so another child can play with my daughter’s favorite doll.
7. Boundaries are Essential: Learning to say “No” is a vital life skill. Well, except maybe when it comes to eating broccolini or wearing pants.
8. They’ll Still Cooperate: I’m fairly certain they’ll learn to work together and function in society just fine without forced sharing.
9. Fostering Kindness: If children understand they can’t always get their way immediately, perhaps they’ll grow into kinder adults. You know, those folks who don’t throw tantrums or post nasty comments online when they disagree.

This article originally appeared on April 2, 2015.

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In summary, there are numerous reasons to reconsider enforcing sharing among children, from fostering independence and concentration to teaching them about boundaries and kindness.