A recent article in The New York Times raised some eyebrows by questioning the idea that kids need to discover a “passion.” The author, Sarah Miller, points fingers at the college admissions frenzy and hints at the role of overzealous parents. You know the type—the ones who choose an activity, whether it’s playing the saxophone or kicking a soccer ball, and insist, “You’re going to excel at this,” even if their kid would rather be anywhere else than on the field or stage.
It seems parents are once again missing the mark. Miller argues that the pushy behavior stems from the intense college application process. Once upon a time, colleges were interested in well-rounded kids who tried their hand at various activities—academics, sports, music, and volunteering. Now, they’re on the lookout for students who have devoted themselves to a single passion by middle school.
When I was in middle school, my version of passion was diving into the pages of every book I could find, particularly the Black Stallion series. In high school, I was more about hanging out in my room, jamming to classic rock while sipping on lukewarm soda. I didn’t discover my real passion for writing until my mid-20s, and my love for figure skating didn’t hit until my 40s. I totally agree with Miller that it’s not the best idea for parents to dictate their child’s passion.
But here’s the twist. While some parents can be overly aggressive, I believe that sometimes a little nudge is perfectly acceptable.
There’s no sports scholarship on the horizon for my kid, and that’s fine. I’m not signing my child up for Little League because I think he’s the next baseball superstar. I’m doing it because physical activity is essential in our home. Sure, kids can ride bikes or climb trees for exercise, but we know from experience that those solo activities can only go so far. Joining a team means accountability; it’s like signing a contract to get out of the house and put in some effort.
Want to explore scouting? How about joining the marching band? I hear the local community center is looking for volunteers. Let’s be real—no one enjoys group projects, but learning to collaborate with others is a skill that will serve your child well in life. Instead of viewing these activities as mere resume boosters, they should see them as opportunities for growth.
And then there’s music. I don’t care if you never end up playing at the biggest concert halls. If you can strum a guitar or sing a tune, you’re gaining another way to express yourself. Music can bridge cultural divides, and let’s face it, who doesn’t love a good guitar player?
“Effort beats talent when talent doesn’t try.” We all know that kid who skated by in class because she thought her smarts were enough. I’m not expecting perfect grades, but it’s important for kids to understand what working hard feels like. If they choose not to give their all later on, at least they’ll realize it’s a choice and not a reflection of their abilities.
If a child joins an activity and it becomes genuinely unsafe or if the adults present are harmful, then, of course, they can quit. Otherwise, I encourage my kids to stick with new activities for a while. Before they throw in the towel and say, “I’m not good at this,” they should set a small goal with a teacher or coach and give it their best shot. I told my daughter she could stop playing the violin once she learned a particular song she was struggling with. After some initial frustration, she nailed it and then decided to pick up the clarinet instead, which she enjoys much more.
So, don’t let anyone tell you that all pushy parents are just trying to live through their kids. Many of us are just trying to guide them in a sensible direction.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out our other blog posts, including a great resource on infertility from the CDC here and tips on at-home insemination kits here.
In summary, while being a pushy parent can sometimes cross the line, a little encouragement and guidance can help children navigate their interests and responsibilities. It’s all about finding the right balance between support and allowing them to explore their passions on their own terms.