Before and after becoming a mom, I’ve always been a woman. I grew up as a tomboy, awkwardly navigating my way into trying out makeup (let’s just say the cat eye never quite made it). Along the way, I discovered that being a woman in the workplace brings unexpected challenges, often leading to disappointment when I reflect on how far we’ve really come.
Writing about raising daughters has led me down various paths—whether it’s voicing my frustration about the term “Real Women” or addressing the alarming normalization of violence against women and sexual abuse. I’ve often fretted over how weight issues might overshadow their sense of self-worth.
One of the more recent divides among women emerged from the #ImNoAngel campaign. Lane Bryant launched this initiative using stunning photography and beautiful models to challenge the Victoria’s Secret Angels and aim for a broader definition of sexy.
I completely understand the sentiment. Walking through the mall, I’ve found myself confronted by glossy displays featuring airbrushed women who seem to embody everything most of us don’t (and many wouldn’t, without some digital help). And yes, I’ve felt inadequate as the buzz around the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue reached a peak.
However, I don’t believe the answer lies in taking “sexy” away from anyone. Shouldn’t we be working towards making it inclusive for all women? Perhaps we should even entertain the idea that life is not solely centered on being sexy—after all, feeling sexy is just one small part of our experiences.
The #ImNoAngel hashtag—though clever from a marketing perspective—doesn’t really offer a solution. As a woman and a mother, I can’t help but feel it’s just another round in the endless competition over who’s more authentic or desirable. I’m someone who has existed in the gray area between “angel” and “not”—never quite fitting into the plus-size category, yet not falling into the slim and busty stereotype, either. I enjoy feeling attractive, but I value a more profound sense of identity that encompasses my multifaceted self.
I’m intelligent. I’m tall. I’m bilingual. I’m humorous. I’m crafty. I’m curvy yet sinewy. I embody both strength and delicacy.
The truth is, sex and scandal sell in our culture. Because society has vilified women over a size 10, Lane Bryant felt compelled to take a bold stance to gain media traction. I get that, but I want to feel confident supporting them. It sometimes feels like they’re dragging all of us into a battle that wasn’t our choice.
My hope is that we can leverage our voices and spending to create a future where everyone sees themselves represented in media and fashion. I want my three daughters—who are each unique in their shapes and interests—to feel acknowledged and validated. I don’t want them to compete over who’s more feminine or appealing. I wish for clothing designed for my middle child’s broad shoulders and long torso, edgy petite styles for my adventurous firstborn, and durable fabrics for my youngest, who’s always on the go. It’s crucial that we recognize that our shapes and styles don’t define our worth as women.
None of us are angels. We are women, and we are extraordinary.
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In summary, it’s essential that we encourage our daughters to embrace their individuality while recognizing that no one woman is better than another. We all bring our unique strengths to the table, and that’s what makes us truly wonderful.