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How to Change Your First Name in Your 40s
I’ve never liked the name Kendra. It feels jarring and makes me feel invisible, like no one really sees me. I came across a study that said the sound of our names activates specific parts of our brains tied to our sense of identity. When I hear “Kendra,” it’s like a wave of discomfort washes over me, especially when friends toss it around casually.
For years, I’ve struggled to get people to pronounce my name correctly. I’ve made posts on social media, asked friends to gently correct others, and even suggested they just call me Ken (not Ken-dra, just Ken, like the doll). But it rarely works, especially with folks from the East Coast or the South—it’s a lost cause.
Interestingly, I was supposed to be named Rachel, which I actually like. It’s a name that rolls off the tongue and feels right for me. But my grandmother thought Rachel sounded odd for a Jewish girl, so my parents settled on Kendra instead.
I sometimes wish there were support groups for people like me—those who’ve struggled with their names. Recently, I attended a school event where kids shared their thoughts about their names. While some expressed mild discontent, every single one of them seemed to embrace their names in the end. I couldn’t help but feel envious; I’ve had a dislike for mine for over 40 years!
Not long ago, I reconnected with my favorite middle school math teacher on Facebook. He began his message with, “Hey Kendra (not Ken-dra)! I remember how upset you used to get when people mispronounced it.” The fact that he recalled that detail from all those years ago was touching, but it also highlighted how long I’ve been unhappy with my name.
Lately, I’ve started using Rachel as my go-to name for coffee orders and reservations. The sound of “Rachel, party of four” is so much nicer than “Kendra, party of four.” (I do overlook the fact that I sometimes get “Raquel” written on my cups—it’s still pronounced right, which is what matters.)
Whenever I express my frustrations about being Kendra to my parents, my dad cheerfully says, “Just change it!” For years, I thought that would be too complicated. “I’m a writer with a byline; I can’t just switch my name,” I’d argue. But now that I’m enjoying using Rachel, I’m starting to think that maybe changing my name isn’t so far-fetched. Leslie is who I am, but I’m definitely not Kendra, which is what half of my friends call me anyway. So maybe I wouldn’t be losing anything. Imagine what I might gain!
At 46, I could finally shed the Kendra burden for good. The idea of not cringing at my name for the next 50 years, of finally taking control of my identity—it’s exhilarating. If I dig deeper, I start to ponder what being Rachel might bring. Perhaps Rachel won’t struggle with anxiety. Maybe she can nail a handstand in yoga class. Maybe she would appreciate the twists of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the prose of Margaret Atwood. Even if Rachel turns out to be just like me—except for the constant mispronunciation—that would be a massive win.
If you’re considering similar changes, check out this helpful resource for more insights. And if you want to explore your options further, you can find more information about self-empowerment in this article and see an expert view on the process at Make a Mom.
Summary
If you’ve ever felt uncomfortable with your name, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with their identities tied to their names, like Kendra, who’s contemplating changing hers to Rachel in her 40s. The journey of self-discovery and acceptance can be liberating, and it’s never too late to redefine who you are.