10 Reasons My Child Isn’t My Bestie

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“Mommy,” my little one says, “You’re my best friend!”

“That’s adorable,” I reply.

“And…?” she nudges, clearly looking for a different response.

“And I love you,” I say, trying to appease her. But she stands there, waiting for more, looking like a mini Oliver Twist.

“And?” she prompts again. “You didn’t say I’m your best friend back.”

In my head, I think, “Well, that’s because you’re not my best friend.” I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also don’t want to fib. So I distract her with a shiny object. The reality is, kids are the worst best friends.

Whenever I hear fellow parents call their toddlers or teens their besties, I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for them. Clearly, they’ve never had a genuine best friend! I mean, when was the last time your best friend threw a snack all over your car and then yelled at you for asking her to clean it? And let’s be real: just minutes before a child tells you, “Mommy, you’re my best friend,” they’ve declared the same thing to a cartoon character or a toy.

I have a real adult best friend. We’ve been tight since high school, and she’s never pointed out that I’ve put on weight or asked why I smell like last night’s dinner. Plus, she cleans up after herself without needing a reward system. So, here are my reasons why my child isn’t my best friend:

1. No Financial Contribution: When was the last time your 5-year-old offered to treat you? Never, right? Real best friends chip in.
2. Sleep Deprivation: Imagine your bestie calling you at 3 a.m. to say she had a nightmare and needs water. And then she wants you to rub her back. And then she needs you to fix the blankets. By 4 a.m., she’s asking if she can stop sleeping—oh, and you should too.
3. Trash Hand-Offs: My best friend has never handed me her empty snack wrappers. Kids do it all the time! And they’ll scream, “You eat it!” when something’s not to their liking.
4. Birthday Gift Dilemmas: Can you picture your best friend saying, “For your birthday, I want to buy you a gift, but you need to drive and pay for it”? Best friends don’t do that!
5. Driving Duties: Wouldn’t it be nice to kick back in the car while your best friend navigates traffic for you? That’s not happening with kids.
6. Activity Choices: My best friend never insists on a specific activity. Kids? They always say, “I won’t go unless we hit the park.”
7. Finding Stuff: My best friend doesn’t expect me to locate her lost items. She doesn’t say “I dunno” when I ask where her stuff is.
8. Punctuality: No matter how early I start the day, my kids will always delay us with their “Just one more minute!” Meanwhile, my best friend will at least text if she’s running late.
9. Repetitive Stories: You’ll never sit down for dinner with a friend who tells you the same story over and over. Kids, on the other hand, love to hear themselves talk—and talk—and talk.
10. Friendship Loyalty: Best friends have a mutual commitment. Kids, however, switch their “best friend” allegiance every hour, from their lunch buddy to a new toy. That’s not how it works!

While the bond between parent and child is irreplaceable, it would be great if kids could refrain from handing me their trash and waking me up at ungodly hours.

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Summary

Kids might claim to be your best friends, but the reality is far from it. From their inability to share the driving, pay their way, or even keep stories fresh, the truth is that the bond between a parent and child is unique and irreplaceable—though it comes with its own challenges!