30 Things (Almost) Every Mom Dreams of for Mother’s Day

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Hey there! Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and while I don’t have a long wish list, I can definitely think of a few fun things I’d love to see happen. So here’s my playful take on what mothers might secretly want for their special day.

1. A wine tap. Seriously, just imagine pouring wine like it’s a draft beer.
2. Five minutes of solitude. I’d even take three minutes and thirty seconds at this point.
3. A tattoo on a certain celebrity that says, “I’m better than you.” Seems fitting, right?
4. A lifetime supply of Magnum caramel ice cream bars. Actually, let’s just have a delivery truck parked nearby for easy access.
5. Celebrities to stop spreading nonsense about vaccines. Seriously, let’s leave medical advice to the professionals.
6. Can we please bring back the love for chubby bellies? Remember the Renaissance? They knew what was up.
7. A sarcasm font. I need it in my life.
8. A “not nice” font. As a writer, this would be a game changer.
9. A Facebook filter that blocks all those selling mompreneur stuff. I really don’t need more candles or face cream, thanks.
10. A movement where women embrace their wrinkles. Let’s celebrate those life stories instead of freezing our faces!
11. Heels that don’t feel like I’m walking on stilts. Is that too much to ask?
12. A simple “thank you” every now and then wouldn’t hurt.
13. Fat-burning cake. Why hasn’t anyone invented this yet?
14. Advice from people who have never raised kids? No thanks! I’m good without that.
15. Legalized sleeping pills for toddlers—come on, it’s a no-brainer!
16. A robot to gather all the toys at night? Yes, please!
17. Extra-large diaper wipes for all my cleaning needs—bonus points for amazing scents.
18. A cartoon that teaches kids to be quiet. How has this not been created yet?
19. A maid. My grandma would probably disapprove, but hey, I need help!
20. A weight-loss plan that pairs wine with Goldfish crackers. I could stick to that!
21. A Twitter filter for those who talk about exercise instead of coffee. Seriously, who are these people?
22. Can we get Gisele to understand that weight gain during pregnancy is normal? Just saying.
23. Famous moms complaining about how hard it is to parent? C’mon, you’re millionaires!
24. A foot massage that lasts longer than a minute and a half. Why even offer that?
25. A book titled “My Descent Out of Hell – Memoirs of a Tiger Mom Cub.” You know it’s coming!
26. A study proving that swearing and moderate drinking leads to well-adjusted kids. It could happen!
27. No more open letters criticizing how others parent. Enough already!
28. The ability to rock white jeans while wrangling two little ones. A girl can dream!
29. To never see another list telling me what not to say to pregnant women or new moms. Seriously, it’s overwhelming!
30. Moms in their late thirties should be called “smart and ready,” not “advanced maternal age.” Seriously, who’s old?

So, there you have it! A light-hearted list of what many moms dream about on Mother’s Day. We all know momming is a tough gig, but a little laughter makes it all worthwhile. If you’re curious about more tips and tricks for motherhood, check out this post. And if you’re looking into the details of home insemination, Make a Mom has some great resources.

Summary:

This post humorously outlines 30 things that mothers might secretly wish for on Mother’s Day, from practical desires like a wine tap and peace and quiet to more whimsical requests like a sarcasm font and a maid. It captures the essence of motherhood with a lighthearted twist, encouraging moms to embrace their unique journeys.