I’m a bit of a rules enthusiast. The structure and clarity they provide help me navigate the sometimes chaotic world of parenting. Creating and adhering to guidelines rooted in my beliefs and common sense has been my lifeline through motherhood. Knowing what to do and when keeps me grounded.
When chaos strikes, I lean on the rules. Is the baby wailing? Nurse, burp, swaddle, sway, and repeat. Is my preschooler stubbornly resisting bedtime? I explain what being exhausted means and let her stay up with a light on, surrounded by books, for as long as she can manage. Is my fifth-grader neglecting homework? No screen time until it’s completed. If I’ve been up twice this week with the little one’s nightmares, it’s time to wake my partner — he knows it’s his turn. Rules are my compass, so don’t even think about challenging them.
But it’s easier said than done. I have three daughters aged 5, 11, and 14, which means each child has her own set of rules. Someone is always testing the boundaries. One daughter needs reminders about limiting screen time while another requires (calm yet firm) nudges to communicate respectfully with her parents. My 5-year-old needs rules for nearly everything: “No, you can’t draw on the wall with a permanent marker, and yes, you have to take a bath tonight because you skipped it last time.” I firmly believe that boundaries are vital for teaching children to care for themselves and to act safely, kindly, and honestly.
My girls understand what’s expected of them and face the consequences when they don’t meet those expectations. More importantly, I know what’s expected of me. My kids look to me for consistency in my requests and values. They expect me to clarify right from wrong, safe from dangerous, and kind from unkind. However, I wish I could say my children joyfully embrace the rules, but that would be far from the truth.
I don’t impose arbitrary rules just to be difficult, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get broken. When they do, I feel a little off-kilter. I question my parenting choices and wonder if I’m being too strict. This is particularly true with my teenager, whose defiance leaves me feeling bewildered. The rules that have guided us for years — crafted with love to keep her safe and help her grow into a good person — seem to be losing their effectiveness. Now, she challenges my reasoning, tests limits, and stands her ground.
Why must she go to bed at 10 p.m. when she’s not tired and has an hour of homework left? While her request is reasonable, can she really change the rules or ignore them? If she does choose to disregard them, should there be consequences, or is the fatigue she’ll face the next day punishment enough? Clearly, what matters most to her is being heard. I admire her determination to speak up, even when it disrupts my comfort zone. I want her to follow the rules because she believes in them, not just because they exist.
Do the rules need some adjustments? The mere thought makes me uneasy. I’m hesitant to loosen or renegotiate the parameters that have defined my parenting for so long. If the rules change, it signals a shift in our dynamic, one where I may not be in control as much as before. As bittersweet as this realization is, I recognize that my daughter must grow up and eventually create her own set of rules. This is just the beginning.
Meanwhile, there are still plenty of rules that this rules-loving mom is happy to enforce: no cleats on the hardwood floors, no R-rated movies, no boys in your room, don’t touch my desk, and yes, we must kiss each other goodnight, no matter what. Why? Because I love you… and rules.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the importance of rules in parenting, particularly from the perspective of a mother raising three daughters. The author discusses the challenges of maintaining consistency across different ages while also acknowledging the need for flexibility as her children grow. Ultimately, it’s a balance between enforcing boundaries and allowing for personal growth.
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Parenting, rules, motherhood, boundaries, children, parenting challenges, family dynamics