Embracing the Journey of Motherhood

One of my closest friends, Sarah, is about to become a mom for the first time. This is a woman who has always been fiercely independent—she’s traveled to an astonishing number of countries, earned a graduate degree overseas, and works at one of the top universities in the U.S. Not to mention, she’s one of the funniest and smartest people I know. Honestly, my kids might even pick her over me! There’s a deep bond between us.

She’s due in January, and I find myself itching to share all the things I’ve learned about motherhood. There’s so much I want her to know is completely normal. But when it comes to what to “expect”? Who am I to say? Expect the unexpected. Expect chaos. Expect joy. Expect pain. But the specifics? Those are hers to navigate.

A Whirlwind of Emotions

The other day we were texting, and she was honest about the whirlwind of emotions she’s feeling—excitement, anxiety, love, and even sadness. When I replied, a wave of sadness and anger washed over me. I typed, “Even after you hold that little one for the first time, it’ll hit you in waves. You might find yourself longing for your old life. But not really. It’s a tough transition, and most people don’t acknowledge it. So please, talk to me. Share all the deep, dark stuff swirling in your mind.”

I felt sad thinking she might feel isolated. That she might not find people willing to discuss these feelings. And I felt angry that society often overlooks this.

Let’s Talk About the Hard Stuff

Let’s face it, people! We need to stop pretending that everything’s perfect when we visit new moms. Often, we sit there chatting about baby clothes or stroller brands like nothing matters besides the baby. Sure, the baby is adorable, but look at the woman holding that baby. See her? She’s exhausted and dealing with a massive life change. She’s transformed, and she might not even know what that means yet. Look beyond the cute onesie and ask her how she really feels. If you haven’t been through it, at least listen. Give her space to open up.

Maybe she’s not having these thoughts—and that’s perfectly fine. But if she is, she needs to hear that she’s not alone and that it’s okay to feel this way. Welcome to the wild ride of motherhood, my friend.

My Own Journey

I’ve been there. I’ve felt that gut-wrenching regret about having kids. I’ve wished I could escape the pressure. I’ve had moments where I thought, “I hate this!” and “What have I done?” I can remember a time when my brother was starting his medical journey, and I felt a deep sense of loss. I was 22, holding my baby while he was off creating his future, and I felt stuck. All I did was nurse and drive and cook—where was the time for me?

I scribbled thoughts in journals or on napkins whenever I could find a moment. But there never seemed to be enough time. I used to know who I was. Now? Who am I? When I opened up to my husband, he didn’t quite understand, and it left me feeling even more isolated.

Friends would come over, and we’d discuss light topics—baby clothes and sleep schedules—but none of us dared to touch the darkness that lurked beneath. After they left, I would spiral back into my feelings of loneliness and guilt. Why was I the only one feeling this way? I looked around and saw everyone else seemingly thriving in their new roles, while I felt like a mess.

Opening the Conversation

I’m done tiptoeing around this, though. I’m asking you right now to talk about the hard stuff. Share those moments when you thought you couldn’t go on. Talk about the things you’ve kept hidden. Let’s open that conversation.

If only someone had been there to share their darkness with me. Maybe it would’ve helped me see the light waiting just ahead. And trust me, it is there.

For more insights into navigating motherhood and embracing the journey, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.

In Summary

It’s crucial to talk openly about the challenges of motherhood. We often overlook the struggles in favor of discussing only the joys. By sharing our true feelings and experiences, we can create a supportive community for new moms.