I’ve Put Down Roots, But Sometimes I Still Feel Like Tugging at Them

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You know, life has a funny way of shifting your perspective. I used to be all over the place, moving from city to city, chasing my whims and dreams. Back in the day, I was living in Seattle during the grunge boom with my purple-streaked hair, diving into the music industry. Then, I found myself in sunny Burbank, California, trying my hand at film production internships, surrounded by polished office mates. I even spent some time in Maine, rocking a short burgundy cut while serving coffee before landing a communications gig with a local hockey team. Each time I felt a little lost or overwhelmed, I’d reinvent myself, attempting to merge my many creative passions into a life that felt sustainable.

Fast forward to my mid-20s, and I began to settle down. Maybe it was the ticking biological clock or just plain exhaustion from all that moving, but I started gathering candles and quirky photo frames from flea markets and shops like Cost Plus World Market. I pictured a cozy home—maybe a loft in Oregon, a cabin in Washington, or a charming Victorian in New England. Something tranquil and unique.

Now, fifteen years later, here I am in a spacious suburban home with my husband and two kids. Since tying the knot, we’ve upsized twice, the last time just over a year ago. Those cardboard boxes that once traveled with me have long been recycled, and instead of traveling light, we’ve accumulated all sorts of stuff: plastic party favors from our kids’ birthday bashes, their art projects, stacks of dusty books, and even some sealed boxes in our basement filled with jewel-toned Moroccan lanterns from my bohemian days.

We live on a cul-de-sac and have no plans to move until the kids are grown. We’re rooted, but here’s the kicker: sometimes I feel weighed down by our suburban routine. Our calendar is packed with dentist appointments and our son’s tae kwon do classes. The walls, a pretty celery hue, and the practical beige carpets make it all feel a bit too… well, conventional. While our kids are thriving in an excellent school system, I occasionally find myself wishing for the freedom of my younger self, who seemed to float from one adventure to the next without a care in the world.

But hey, it’s not like I couldn’t shake things up if I wanted. I sometimes daydream about selling everything and whisking my family off to Spain for a while—just like I did in my younger years. It’s tempting to think of myself as a modern-day Madonna, reinventing my life every few years.

Yet, I’ve also surprised myself lately. I took a hot yoga class last spring, giving a nod to my upcoming 40th birthday, and fell in love with how it grounded me. I’ve transitioned from an aspiring writer to actually publishing my work, a lifelong dream. I’ve started running and practicing meditation. Even while we’re deeply rooted, we’re still stretching and exploring, trying to avoid getting too entrenched in our ways.

What I realize I miss isn’t just change but the option to escape and reshape my life when things get tough. Because let’s be honest, life gets hard—whether it’s dealing with school behavioral emails, property tax bills, or worrying about health issues with family members. Sure, my nomadic past seemed more exciting, but I now have so much of what I was searching for: a fulfilling job, a loving partner, amazing kids, and wonderful friends. Plus, I have a strength I didn’t appreciate back then—the ability to stay put when life gets challenging.

The trick is to remain rooted while allowing for some wiggle room. I’m planted but still capable of tilting and shifting. And as much as this busy season of life can feel constricting, it’s also the life I envisioned for myself.

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Summary

Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes the feeling of being grounded can feel stifling. The author reflects on her journeys and transformations, contrasting her free-spirited past with the stability of her current suburban life. While she appreciates the roots she has put down, she occasionally longs for the freedom to reinvent herself. Ultimately, she finds strength in her current situation, recognizing that it can still offer opportunities for growth and change.