When we first introduced our son to his new smartphone, we made sure to have a conversation about its responsible use. We advised him not to answer calls from unfamiliar numbers and emphasized that the device was meant for safety, not just for chatting with friends. When he got an email account, I made sure it synced with my iPad too. While I don’t pry into his conversations, I do keep an eye on spam and unsubscribe him from unwanted lists. However, I draw the line at full-on spying, even though I could easily do so.
Unlike my approach, the South Korean government has a different stance. They developed an app called Smart Sheriff, aimed at keeping minors away from inappropriate content. But it also allows parents to track their kids’ phone activities and monitor their online behavior. There are similar apps that share location data with parents or send alerts if certain concerning terms are searched for, like suicide or bullying.
What’s particularly alarming is that in South Korea, phone companies are required to install these monitoring apps on devices owned by anyone under 18. There’s no real way to opt out, although savvy parents might find a workaround, like giving their child an older device.
Setting aside the issue of forced app installations—something that wouldn’t fly in the U.S.—there’s a deeper question at play: how much should we actually be watching over our children, and to what extent? Don’t they deserve some privacy? It’s not all that different from reading their diaries, is it? Or maybe it is? A scene from Law & Order: SVU comes to mind when Detective Elliot Stabler told his daughter he wasn’t worried about what she was doing online; he was more concerned about the people out there who could harm her. I share that fear, but I wouldn’t invade my kids’ privacy by snooping on their every move. Danger isn’t exclusive to the digital world; it exists everywhere. We’re better off teaching our kids how to recognize and handle it rather than nurturing resentment for constant monitoring.
When I feel my son is spending too much time on his devices, I simply set limits until his homework is done or ask him to take a break. I also try to be mindful of my own screen time; I catch myself scrolling on my iPad more than I’d like to admit. Perhaps my kids should install an app on my phone to remind me to put it down and spend quality time with them. Or they could just ask me directly—no software needed.
This article was originally published on May 16, 2015.
For more insights into parenting, check out our other blog post here.
In summary, while technology can be a useful tool for safety, it’s essential to strike a balance between protecting our children and respecting their privacy. Monitoring can quickly veer into overstepping boundaries, and it’s crucial to equip kids with the skills to navigate both the online and offline worlds safely.