I learned to navigate the roller rink in a way that only kids can. And no, I’m not talking about that kind of navigating; get your mind out of the gutter! I mean the Hustle, a dance that had us taking off our skates and grooving until the rink staff kicked us off. Those refs always had an attitude—except for one named Jake; he was pretty chill.
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In our day, we all considered ourselves decent skaters, right? We’d bust out the “Jungle Boogie” dance or twirl to “Wildfire.” Today’s kids probably have their own jams like Snoop Dogg or the Spice Girls, but let’s be real—ours was more fun.
Now that I’m a parent, I’ve come to realize that just because something was a blast as a kid doesn’t mean it’s going to be enjoyable as an adult. Take a trip to the skating rink with your tween, for example. It sounds like a great idea at first—you could impress your 12-year-old with your moves and finally earn that “cool mom” title. But wait until you open those rental skates, which smell like a weird mix of stale chips, saltwater, and something else unpleasant. And let’s not even get started on actually skating.
Your body reminds you that you’re not as spry as you once were. The rink feels like an ice rink, and after just one lap, you’re sweating like you just ran a marathon. Forget about the cool mom status; you’re now sitting in an orange plastic booth, munching on stale nachos that don’t even come with jalapeños. You might as well be collecting tortilla chips in your cleavage for all the good it does.
And remember the thrill of the couples skate? The lights would lower, girls would line up along one wall, and you’d just pray to be picked. And then, boom! Johnny, the rink’s most popular boy, would reach out for your hand, and for a glorious two songs, you’d skate hand-in-hand, your palms sweaty but happy. Now, as a mom, you can’t help but wonder why it’s not a mutual decision. Shouldn’t it be about partnership? And the anxiety of watching your daughter potentially get left out? No thanks.
You grab a soft pretzel and a blue slushy, trying to distract yourself. Then you see her—skating with some boy who probably doesn’t appreciate her like he should. You wish you could just transport back to a time when the biggest worry was whether your crush would hold your hand. Suddenly, you find yourself questioning everything from her outfit choices to the very fact that you taught her how to walk and talk.
Soon enough, your nostalgic memories of long roller skating nights turn into a 90-minute ordeal that feels like an eternity. The combination of sweat and current pop hits becomes unbearable, and you’re ready to hurl a soda cup at the wall, just like a rock star trashing a hotel room.
On the drive home, your daughter and her friends chatter away, completely forgetting you’re in the car. You can’t help but feel a mix of amusement and horror at their conversation. Exhausted yet happy, you decide it was a decent experience, but definitely not one you’re eager to repeat anytime soon.
However, your daughter mentions wanting to check out a hip-hop concert. Now that sounds a lot more appealing—no stinky rental skates required! You remember that one time you took her to see a manufactured Disney pop star, which wasn’t half bad. So how awful could a hip-hop concert be?
This article was originally published on Aug. 14, 2015.
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Summary:
Reflecting on childhood roller rink experiences reveals the stark contrast between the thrill of youth and the reality of adulthood. As a parent, the excitement of skating with your tween can quickly turn into a hilarious but exhausting adventure filled with unexpected challenges and nostalgia. While the memories may not be as sweet as they once were, new experiences, like hip-hop concerts, might just offer a fresh opportunity to bond.