38 Simple Steps to a Successful Family Dinner

home insemination Kit

Hey there! After a dozen years and three little ones, I think I’ve finally cracked the code to family dinners. Here’s my no-fuss guide to making it happen in just 38 steps.

1. Zoom home from work, trying to hit every green light without attracting the attention of the local traffic patrol.
2. Start prepping the chicken.
3. Realize you’re out of salt. Substitute with way more pepper instead.
4. Set out the chicken, buns, cheese, and grilling tools outside for your partner.
5. Pull out carrots, cucumber, and lettuce for a salad.
6. Notice you’ve only got a quarter of a cucumber left.
7. Mentally curse your partner for last night’s gin and tonics.
8. Discover some croutons in the cabinet since they crunch like cucumber.
9. Whip up the salad.
10. Pick up your toddler from the floor after they dramatically melted down upon spotting a lettuce leaf.
11. Start negotiating with your toddler: three bites of salad equals one Popsicle.
12. Manage to get salad, chicken, and milk to the table, along with the toddler.
13. Sit down and take a bite.
14. Jump up to cut the chicken into toddler-friendly pieces.
15. Go back up for more ketchup because your toddler devoured the first serving with a spoon before the meal even started.
16. Ask your partner about their day.
17. Pause to convince your toddler that the black specks on the chicken are actually tiny bits of chocolate.
18. When the screaming reaches dog-barking levels, get up to scrape off the pepper and cheese from the chicken. Yesterday he loved cheese; today it’s the enemy.
19. Sit back down and have a sip of wine.
20. Explain to your toddler that they can’t just stop eating. Three bites of bun dipped in ketchup doesn’t count as a balanced meal.
21. Clarify that no Popsicle will be given until three bites of salad and three bites of chicken are consumed.
22. Wait for him to count on his fingers how many bites that is.
23. Settle for five bites when he triumphantly shows you five fingers. Genius in the making, right?
24. Tell him that licking the chicken doesn’t count as a bite.
25. Give your partner a questioning look, trying to remember if they actually shared anything about their day.
26. Agree with the toddler that two croutons and one carrot equal three bites of salad.
27. Clean up the carrot that got chewed and then spit onto the dog.
28. Sit down to take another bite of chicken.
29. Get up again for a third serving of ketchup for your toddler.
30. Yell empty threats about no Thomas the Train before bedtime if chicken isn’t eaten.
31. Hand over the iPad for a little Thomas distraction while he finishes his meal.
32. Take another bite of chicken, only to realize it’s gone cold and overly peppered.
33. Toss the food in the trash and refill your wine glass.
34. Retrieve a Popsicle for the toddler. Let’s be honest, two bites of chicken is basically the same as three, right?
35. Ask your toddler to put their plate in the sink.
36. Fish the plate out of the garbage and place it in the sink.
37. Find the missing salt shaker in the trash—nice!
38. Pat yourself on the back for surviving another family meal. Only 7,143 more to go!

If you want more tips on navigating family life, check out our other posts, like this one about home insemination. And if you’re looking for reliable resources, you might want to check out Progyny’s blog which offers great insights on pregnancy and home insemination. For handy kits, visit Cryobaby to find what you need for your journey.

In summary, family dinners can be chaotic, but with a little humor and creativity, you can make them work. Just remember, it’s all about survival and getting through one meal at a time!