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Navigating the Challenge of Letting Go of My College-Bound Son
Six months ago, when my oldest son kicked off his senior year in high school, I promised myself I would handle this transition better than I did the first time around with my daughter. I even put it in writing and shared it on a blog. I thought it would be simpler with my second child. Yet, here I am, half a year later, realizing just how wrong I was. My struggle to let go has been more intense than I anticipated.
As winter settled over Minnesota, my heart was heavy with anxiety, wrestling with the whirlwind of emotions swirling around me and my son. It felt impossible to separate my feelings from his. How do you distinguish individual snowflakes in the midst of a snowstorm?
There were countless moments filled with ACTs, college applications, and the agonizing wait for decisions—hopeful acceptance letters followed by crushing rejections. One minute, I was elated for him, and the next, I was gripped by fear. Was he ready to leave? Was he not ready at all? Time felt like it was standing still, yet racing forward all at once.
“Give me some space, Mom.” “When will you be home?” My heart felt like it was in a tug-of-war between agony and excitement.
As spring finally arrived, the weight of winter began to lift, the days grew longer, and the air warmed, offering a glimmer of hope. The beauty of change became evident as the snow melted away, bringing clarity to many uncertainties. Even though my son had made his college choice and graduation was approaching, I still couldn’t quite figure out how to thaw the icy lump in my chest.
While I reveled in the warmth of spring and the sense of accomplishment that came with seeing my son succeed, I also felt the pull of this significant transition. Letting go is both exhilarating and painful, a mixture of joy and sorrow that runs deep for both of us. I’m sure my son feels it too, despite my attempts to shield him from my anxieties. I can see it in his bright green eyes when he thinks I’m not looking.
I wonder if he’s feeling the same bittersweet awareness of time that I am. Does he sense the shift from spring to summer, marking the end of one chapter and the beginning of another? Or is he fully present, savoring the final moments of this phase of his life—something I strive to do myself?
Yet, there are times my thoughts drift to the end of summer when we’ll board a plane headed 2,000 miles to his new college life. My husband and I will return home without him. No more hugs goodnight, no more hearing him rush down the stairs in the morning, and no more daily greetings of “Hi Mom, I’m hungry.” Those cherished moments will become memories, and I’ll only catch glimpses of his new life through sporadic calls and texts, where he’ll likely filter what he shares. I doubt he’ll mention missing me, but I hope he knows that the distance won’t lessen my desire to nurture and support him, as I have for 18 years.
Spring symbolizes transformation and the art of letting go—the melting away of fears and the dawning of new beginnings. It’s that final stage of preparing the eaglet for flight while the mother readies herself to let him soar into the world.
We’re almost there. Just not yet.
If you’re navigating similar transitions, you might find useful insights in our other blog post about home insemination here. And if you’re looking for authoritative guidance on this subject, check out Cryobaby for their excellent resources. For more information on fertility, I recommend exploring this resource.
Summary:
As a parent, the journey of letting go as my son prepares for college has been a mix of joy, anxiety, and reflection. The transition from high school to independence is challenging, filled with emotions that are hard to separate. While spring brings hope and change, the reality of distance and new beginnings looms, reminding me to cherish the moments we have left together.