The Seven Stages of a Sleepover Party

There are two things that send a shiver down my spine:

The idea of being trapped in a coffin.
My kids asking for a sleepover party.

I’ve bravely hosted a sleepover twice, and let me tell you, that was two times too many. The details are a bit fuzzy (as they often are after traumatic events), but here’s what I remember about the emotional whirlwind of a sleepover:

1. Denial

Before the chaos begins, you pump yourself up with positive affirmations:

How bad could it really be?
I’ve got tons of fun activities lined up.
My child’s friends are delightful and make great choices.
I make good choices!

You give yourself a little pat on the back for being the ultimate mom and imagine yourself enjoying some quiet time with a Sudoku puzzle or refinishing that coffee table while the kids entertain themselves. #blessed

2. Complete Chaos

However, within seconds of the guests arriving, Denial is thrown out the window in favor of Complete Chaos. A gaggle of excited kids turns your home into a circus. Suddenly, it’s like a wild goat rodeo—kids are everywhere and nowhere, darting in and out, yelling about broken flashlights, bee stings, and the horrifying revelation that one of them has lice (Wait, what?!).

Questions fly through the air:

Where’s my phone?
Do you have a charger? (Not that kind!)
What kind of dog is that?
Where did Luke go?
Where’s my underwear?
What’s that smell?
Is it time for cake yet?

And amidst all of this, you ponder one crucial question: where on earth is my partner?

After what feels like six hours (but is really three), you manage to corral the group into one room for a movie and some popcorn. You convince yourself this will calm them down and lull them to sleep by midnight. Little did you know! The movie is met with groans of “We’ve seen it a million times!” and “That movie’s terrible!” before they decide to wrestle, throw things, and munch on candy instead.

3. Anger

After two more hours of unending chaos, you try to usher in the long, painful phase known as “Please, for the love of all that is good, go to sleep.” This is the stage where the Happy Mom transforms into a Frustrated Mom. From midnight to 2 a.m., the resentment builds as you make countless trips back and forth. You’re now mad at:

Yourself (seriously, 10 boys? What was I thinking?)
The movie for being so boring.
The genius who invented Xbox (you know who you are).
Your partner, who reappeared just in time for cake and then vanished after cracking a few jokes.

You’re also not thrilled with:

Bathroom Boy, who has the bladder of a toddler and disrupts everyone by climbing over them to “pee.”
Skittle Kid, who is on the verge of a sugar-induced meltdown.
Loud Whisperer, who brings up terrifying basement stories just as everyone is dozing off.
Phone Ninja, who somehow still has his phone hidden away and keeps getting texts that ping like a game show.

4. Panic

By 2 a.m., anger gives way to sheer panic as you come to terms with the fact that sleep may never happen. You catch yourself thinking:

What if they never go to sleep?
What if this is my life now?

5. Bargaining

In a last-ditch effort to regain control, you throw out desperate pleas for quiet: “Please, for the love of Adam Sandler, just go to sleep!” You contemplate the “ugly cry” to guilt them into submission but realize that might lead to nightmares. How about warm milk or perhaps a Benadryl brownie? Anyone?

6. Depression

Around 3 a.m., you feel like you’ve run a marathon. You’re drained, and it feels a lot like childbirth—exhausted and not quite sure if you made a mess of things. Plus, you know there are still hungry kiddos to feed in just a few hours. You hope, like childbirth, the pain will fade into a distant memory soon.

7. Acceptance

Miraculously, morning arrives, and you’re met by gleeful parents coming to collect their kids. They rave about their peaceful night while you stand there, looking like a zombie with popcorn in your hair, mascara smeared across your cheeks. Just then, your messy-haired child appears, throws their arms around you, and says, “Thanks, Mom! That was awesome!”

Same time next year? Absolutely.

For more on navigating the adventures of parenthood, check out this insightful post. If you’re looking for great resources, Make a Mom is an authority on the subject, and CCRM IVF offers excellent tips on pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary

The blog humorously outlines the chaotic journey of hosting a sleepover party, detailing the emotional stages from denial to acceptance, all while highlighting the trials and tribulations faced by parents.