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My Child’s Reluctance to Sleep Has Turned Me Into an Emotional Wreck
Today marks the start of week four with my 2-year-old, Max, adamantly resisting sleep. The night begins peacefully, but before I know it, he’s wide awake, screaming and crying just a few hours in — which usually sends me into a state of screaming and crying as well, fueled by sheer frustration and fatigue.
I’ve come to understand why sleep deprivation is a tactic used in torture. Trying to function on a handful of interrupted hours of sleep is like trying to run a marathon on an empty tank. Waking up repeatedly to a child who is completely exhausted but stubbornly refuses to sleep is a new form of patience-building. And let me tell you, it’s not a form of self-improvement I signed up for.
Over these weeks, I’ve discovered that I become a complete emotional mess when I’m sleep-deprived (and with a 2-year-old and being nearly six months pregnant, this has become my new normal). It’s a helpless feeling when you can’t soothe your child, and it quickly morphs into hopelessness after countless attempts to console go unnoticed.
Before I became a mom, I thought I had a solid grasp on what parenting entailed. I babysat throughout my youth and even took care of my teenage niece for a year after her father passed away. I assumed the teenage years would be the toughest — hormones, drama, and all that jazz. Little did I know that those challenges would pale in comparison to the sleepless nights, the endless negotiation over dinner (seriously, how hard is it to get a toddler to eat?), constant toy clean-ups, and, don’t even get me started on potty training!
I’ve shed more tears into my cupboard and coffee than I care to admit after failed attempts to dress Max, get him to eat, or clean up his toys. I’ve switched from reasoning to bribing (you can have screen time after breakfast), but nothing seems to work for long. We’ve tried co-sleeping, sleep training, blackout curtains, essential oils, reading books, and everything else I could find in my desperate nighttime internet searches. When we finally find a parenting hack that works, it’s short-lived, and I’m soon back to emotional despair.
Parenting is incredibly hard — like, really hard — and the challenges are amplified by a lack of sleep. Usually, I’m a positive person who tackles each day with enthusiasm. But lately, I feel as though each passing day extracts more of my sanity, leaving me a hot mess sobbing into my coffee. Getting frustrated is natural, yet it often only makes things worse, and I find myself feeling just as much like a child as the one I’m raising. Staying patient and loving instead of giving in to anger feels almost as challenging as parenting itself.
I really thought I had mastered my emotions after years of adult challenges. I’ve dealt with grown men who act like children and navigated those situations with grace. Yet this is different. The constant testing of wills and boundaries is far more difficult when the other party can’t articulate their needs, leaving me guessing their favorite toy of the day and why bananas are suddenly off the menu.
Emotional exhaustion manifests in many ways: crying, pleading, bribing, stepping out of the house in mismatched shoes, neglecting self-care, living off cold leftovers, and dozing off whenever there’s a moment of peace. I understand now why people look surprised at my appearance — it’s often been ages since I had a proper shower without interruption.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. I get woken up with sweet kisses and hugs, and I have a little sidekick who loves to express how much they adore me. It’s hard to grasp that all the chaos is worth the joy, but when you see those little eyes pleading for just five more minutes of your attention, or when you catch them lost in imaginative play, the rewards are indescribable.
I have a built-in entertainment system that follows me everywhere, makes me laugh at my breaking point, and reminds me that despite everything, I’ve created something truly amazing. This journey is the hardest adventure of my life, and we’re still in the early stages of parenting. I know many challenges lie ahead, but the joy of seeing those little faces light up when I walk in the door makes the emotional exhaustion feel a little less daunting.
I’m an exhausted, emotional mama, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. To all the weary parents out there — hang in there. You’re doing your best. Remember: “All you can do is all you can do, and all you can do is enough.”
Love,
One tired mama
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If you want to dive deeper into parenting challenges, consider reading our other blog post here.