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What Life Is Like for a Single Mom in Recovery
Hey there! So, I’m a single mom currently navigating my way through recovery from alcoholism, and let me tell you, it’s quite the journey. They say I shouldn’t date for a whole year, which is what those folks in AA recommend. Apparently, it takes that long to really get my head straight. Honestly, I reckon it probably takes longer, but a year seems like a decent target for me. After all, I’ve always had a soft spot for men, right from my nursery school sweetheart. I’ve pretty much been in relationships forever, so wrapping my head around this whole no-dating thing is a bit of a challenge.
I get it, though. I need this time to focus on myself, to rediscover who I am as sober me. But, wow, that means I have to spend a lot of time with, well, just me. When I was drinking, I could distract myself with all sorts of chaos, but now I’m left alone with my thoughts, and let me tell you, it’s intense. I live alone, don’t drive, and aside from my outpatient program, AA meetings, and time with my kids, I can go days just hanging out with myself. I often find myself talking to me, and sometimes I just get tired of my own company. It’s like I can’t escape!
Occasionally, I do get asked out, but if I were to be honest about my life right now, it would sound something like this: “Hey, I can’t meet you because I don’t drive, and drinks are out of the question since I’m an alcoholic. Work? Well, I’m currently unemployed, living off state assistance due to my health issues. Three days a week, I hit up this outpatient program to relearn life skills, and the other days? I’m here writing a memoir about my wild past. So, what do you think?” Yeah, not exactly the stuff of romantic dreams, right?
I could totally spin a tale and make myself seem more “normal” for a date, like saying my car is in the shop or pretending I’m just coming from work in a fancy suit. I used to be a pro at telling stories, but nowadays, I’m trying to live honestly. Taking a break from dating might actually enrich my life in other ways. Who would really want to be with me right now anyway? I wouldn’t trust a guy who was interested in me at this point. They’d either have to be some sort of superhero or just as lost as I am.
Let’s be real, though. I’m human, and I have needs. I’ve been reflecting on all the support I’ve received since getting out of the hospital—rental assistance, food stamps, help with bills, and even some food from local churches. Plus, I’ve got this great phone list from fellow AA members. I’m really grateful for all of it while I work my way back to being a lawyer, but I can’t help but think that a little something special should be part of this year-long no-dating deal. Just saying.
This morning, while getting ready for my outpatient program, I noticed I was looking better than I have in a long time—definitely healthier! It felt awesome to appreciate my appearance just for me. I used to avoid mirrors because I didn’t respect myself, but lately, I’m starting to realize I’m not such a bad person after all. I even found myself dancing around to Aretha Franklin’s “Respect,” reminding myself to be cautious about getting too caught up in my own thoughts. It’s a balancing act, but I think we’re going to be just fine.
In summary, being a single mom in recovery is a journey filled with self-discovery, challenges, and moments of joy. It’s about learning to appreciate my own company and building a healthier relationship with myself while I navigate this path.