14 Things Every Midwestern Kid Knows

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Hey there! If you’ve never spent time in the Midwest, here are some truths that every kid from this region can relate to:

1. Cow tipping? Yeah, that’s a myth. Sure, maybe it’s happened once or twice, but not as often as outsiders think. We all claim to know someone who’s tipped a cow—like that kid from our high school, Chad. His cow-tipping tales are legendary, but it’s mostly just a fun story to tell.
2. We’re experts with a burn barrel. The Midwest might be flat, but if you live where there are hills, you know how to get a sled ready and keep a burn barrel fire going all day. You’re also well-practiced in warning friends, “Don’t get too close, you’ll get burned!” or saying, “Just put some butter on it, you’ll be fine.”
3. Our Catholic church festivals are top-notch. They’ve got the best roasted sweet corn slathered in butter, rides that don’t fall apart, and cakewalks that guarantee homemade cakes, none of that store-bought nonsense.
4. We can drive in any snowstorm or icy condition. Those folks stuck on the road? They’re usually new to the Midwest.
5. Cornhole is a thing, but not everyone loves it. Some of us might find tossing bags at boards a bit dull, but we’ve all played it at least once—it’s practically a rite of passage.
6. We get oddly curious about your high school. When meeting someone new, the school you attended comes up way before your college, because that’s just how we roll.
7. Ever heard “Don’t like the weather? Just wait five minutes”? Yep, that phrase is as common as the changing seasons. And you can bet someone will remind you how cold it was in winter when you’re sweating in the summer!
8. Euchre tournaments are serious business. Even casual games require a pre-game chat about the rules. We know that as long as we have four players and some cards, we’re all set for a good time.
9. Tractor pulls might seem silly, but admit it—we’ll watch them if there’s one nearby. There’s just something about it that draws us in.
10. Any kid that steps into our house gets fed. If they say “no” to food, we’ll ask at least three more times. And we’ve got no problem handing out parenting advice to our kids’ friends.
11. Jell-O molds are a rite of passage for Midwestern women once they hit 50. It’s just what we do, following in the footsteps of our mothers and grandmothers.
12. We might not have oceans or towering mountains, but we still know how to enjoy beaches and hit the slopes.
13. We drink pop and are generally pretty friendly. In Cincinnati, you can even suggest a three-way without raising any eyebrows!
14. Some of us venture out to the coasts, but deep down, we know we’re at home in the heartland.

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Summary

The Midwest is a unique place with its own quirky traditions and truths that every local knows. From cow-tipping myths to the importance of euchre, these experiences shape our childhoods and create lasting memories, all while fostering a sense of community and connection.