9 Important Conversations I Want to Have With My Teen Boys (Beyond the Basics)

1. Listen Beyond Words: It’s crucial to pay attention to what girls are communicating, even when they’re silent. Women are often socialized to keep things smooth and may not explicitly express discomfort. I want my boys to grasp the importance of picking up on subtle cues.
2. Know Your Boundaries: Just like girls, boys can feel pressured into situations they aren’t comfortable with. There’s a stereotype that guys are always eager for sex, but I want my sons to understand that they have every right to say no and uphold their own limits.
3. Value Peacekeeping: The mantra “stand up for yourself” can sometimes overshadow the art of diplomacy. A wise friend once told me that in negotiation, everyone should feel like a winner. I want my boys to learn how to resolve conflicts gracefully instead of always going for the win.
4. Embrace Feminine Qualities: I want to teach my boys that doing things “like a girl” should never be seen as an insult. Feminism isn’t just for women; it’s about recognizing that both traditional masculine and feminine behaviors deserve respect. Whether it’s sports or cooking, all interests are valid.
5. Practice Patience in Conversations: Research shows that girls often get interrupted more than boys. I want my sons to be mindful of this dynamic and to ensure they’re not overshadowing others—listening is just as important as speaking.
6. Respect Personal Space: Just because a girl catches your eye doesn’t mean she’s inviting your attention. I want my boys to understand that a woman’s attire doesn’t grant anyone the right to comment or approach her. Respect goes a long way.
7. Avoid Unnecessary Fights: Sometimes, you end up in conflicts with people who thrive on chaos. It’s tempting to engage, but I want my boys to know that stepping away is often the best choice. Engaging with someone who enjoys fighting is rarely worth it.
8. Be Mindful of Others’ Needs: Sometimes, people just want to vent rather than seek solutions. It’s important to recognize that conversations can serve different purposes, and sometimes comfort, not advice, is what’s needed.
9. Recognize Your Privilege: My boys, being white, male, and middle-class, have advantages that others may not. They need to understand that while they deserve success, they also have fewer barriers. Part of being a responsible person involves working to reduce inequality.

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Raising boys today comes with its own unique challenges, and the definition of “being a man” has evolved. Like any mom, I want my sons to navigate adulthood with confidence and wisdom. And of course, I hope they avoid any run-ins with aggressive strangers over parking spots!

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