It’s a common joke that once children enter the picture, the bedroom becomes barren. But let’s be real: if that were the case, there wouldn’t be younger siblings or those quirky vasectomy celebrations. (Yes, I considered throwing a party for my partner to mark his vasectomy—I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of such events, and I’m definitely not alone in this.) This stereotype seems to stem from a reluctance to envision our parents engaging in enjoyable sex lives.
Films like Date Night only reinforce this notion with comedic moments, such as the infamous mouthguard scene or the shocked expression on Tina Fey’s face when her friend shares that her marriage is on the rocks due to only having intimacy two or three times a week. I found it funny too, especially after having twins and juggling the chaos of caring for two newborns. Admittedly, my partner and I weren’t intimate every night, week, or even month. But judging parenthood based solely on the initial months is akin to assessing all baseball teams by one season or evaluating the movie Up based only on its first ten minutes.
Setting the Record Straight
Let’s set the record straight: sex can be tricky at the beginning of any relationship. There’s the awkwardness of synchronizing movements and avoiding embarrassing sounds. Many of us grapple with body image issues that can complicate intimacy and often feel the need to keep the lights dim. Additionally, societal pressures can place unrealistic expectations on both genders—men may feel inadequate, while women might feel they should be capable of multiple orgasms without any help.
In short, until you grow comfortable with your partner, intimacy can be… well, challenging. But it doesn’t mean it can’t feel great. Most of the time, it does. But there are often awkward moments filled with questions about performance and frequency, leading to avoidance of deeper discussions that could enhance the experience.
After Kids: Everything Changes
After kids, everything changes. Why? Because the insecurities surrounding your body and its functions fade. The fear of your partner noticing your post-baby shape is overshadowed by the knowledge that they witnessed you in the throes of childbirth—screaming, sweating, and perhaps not looking your best. Yet, they still love you!
Once that realization sinks in, the quality of intimacy improves significantly. You feel empowered to express your desires and explore new avenues of pleasure without embarrassment. After all, you’ve both been through some pretty messy moments together, like surviving the early mornings covered in baby spit-up or discussing the latest diaper disaster.
The Exhaustion of Parenting
However, it’s important to acknowledge the exhaustion that comes with parenting. There’s a unique level of tiredness that arises after being woken up multiple times in the night by a child with a hangnail or a breakfast request that seems trivial. This kind of fatigue is exclusive to those with kids, akin to giving instructions to astronauts aboard a malfunctioning spacecraft.
A Humorous Take on Post-Child Intimacy
In the realm of post-child intimacy, there are typically two scenarios that might unfold, humorously encapsulated in a fictional conversation:
“Hey, remember that thing you did the other night that made me feel like I was floating? Can we try that again, but maybe with a blindfold and some ice?”
“Sure! But you owe me tomorrow when we do that other thing we talked about twice. And I want you to wear that outfit we got on Valentine’s Day during the second round.”
“Do we have to wait until tomorrow? Can we make it happen now?”
“Absolutely!”
“I’m so ready, but I’m also soooo tiiiiiiired.”
“If you prioritize your desire over sleep, I can definitely make it work.”
“You can? Great! These pajamas have a hole; let’s just call it a night and see what happens through the hole.”
“Yeah, let’s skip that. Laundry sounds awful.”
“Zzzzzz…”
The truth is, it’s unpredictable, like much of life. But it’s not the tragic, infrequent joke it’s often portrayed to be. So, embrace the joy of intimacy, fellow parents—you’ve earned it!
Further Reading
For more insights on parenting and intimacy, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination at CCRM IVF. And if you’re looking for more tips, visit Make a Mom for valuable information on home insemination kits. You can also explore our other blog post here for additional details on this topic: Intracervical Insemination.
In summary, while the journey of intimacy after having children may be filled with ups and downs, it’s a unique experience that evolves rather than disappears. So, go ahead and enjoy the intimacy you’ve worked hard to achieve!