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Reflections on Turning 39
On the morning of my 39th birthday, I found myself reflecting on a couple of things that made me feel grateful: my hair and my breasts. Sure, there were other joys too—like the way little Max snuggled into my hair at the crack of dawn and how he and his brother Jake had crafted a surprise breakfast, complete with cake and gifts. But honestly, my hair and boobs were front and center in my mind.
It was a bit of a heavy week leading up to my birthday; a friend had to shave her head, and another was facing the possibility of losing her breasts. In a way, feeling grateful felt a bit selfish. Like I was acknowledging their struggles while celebrating my own luck. I didn’t want to feel that way. Instead, I felt cautious, like a storm cloud looming overhead. Sure, life hadn’t thrown me any major curveballs yet, but I know it could at any moment—be it illness, heartbreak, or something entirely unpredictable.
Still Figuring It Out
At 39, I still don’t have everything figured out. I’m still puzzled by eyeliner, and I often wonder why guys don’t call when they say they will. I feel like I’m just getting by in my marriage and navigating parenthood one chaotic day at a time. Love remains a mystery, and cake recipes still baffle me. As I stand at this crossroads in my career, I expected to have more clarity by now. Instead, I realize that life is random, full of twists that can change everything in an instant.
It’s unsettling, especially when the chaos touches the people I care about. But those struggles also remind me how interconnected we are, how over time we build our own communities. I never imagined my tribe would be so diverse and widespread. The happiness and heartaches of friends and acquaintances are now right there in my face, thanks to social media. Years ago, I wouldn’t have known about the challenges others faced, like health issues or broken relationships. But now, I can’t unsee them. I feel a mix of helplessness and frustration as I witness their pain.
Navigating Adulting at 39
I’m still navigating this adulting thing at 39, and when I want to provide comfort to my distant tribe, I often find myself fumbling for the right words. Instead of being able to act, I read their news, feeling its grit and unfairness. I hate that these things happen to anyone at all, and I foolishly cling to the belief that I’m somehow immune, even though I know I’m not. My heart aches for my friends, and I feel paralyzed by the fear of what might come next.
As I cherished my hair and breasts that morning, I realized how little we can ask of the universe—just to be whole, healthy, and close to loved ones. Everything else feels like a bonus. So here I am at 39, with my hair, my breasts, and not much else feeling certain.
Resources for Support
If you’re looking for more insights or tips on navigating similar feelings, check out this post. Also, for anyone dealing with infertility, this resource is excellent. And if you want to explore the world of home insemination, Make a Mom has some valuable information.
Conclusion
In summary, turning 39 brought up mixed emotions of gratitude and uncertainty, especially in light of friends facing tough challenges. It’s a reminder of the randomness of life and the importance of community.