5 Things Our Kids Don’t Know About Their Pre-Mama Mamas

home insemination Kit

Hey there, it hit me recently that the only version of me my kids will ever know is the “mom” version. You know, the one who says no to waffles for dinner, complains about loud music at casual spots, and can’t even make it through a full movie without dozing off. Sometimes I wish my kids could’ve caught a glimpse of their wild, carefree pre-mama mamas. So, kiddos, here are a few things about me that you probably don’t know, things that vanished into the abyss of motherhood alongside my high heels and ability to sleep in past 8 a.m.

1. I used to have a colorful vocabulary.
   I know I flipped out when I heard you toss around “gosh darn it,” but here’s a little secret: I used to curse like a sailor. And I’m not talking about tiny slip-ups; we’re talking full-on creative cursing. I’d call my friends ridiculous names for laughs, use every curse word in the book, and toss in the C-word for good measure once in a while. But now, it feels weird when I slip up and say anything remotely inappropriate. I’m sorry if I seem like a square when I make a face at your little exclamations. You’re 3, after all, and I kinda have to act like I think it’s not okay. Call me a hypocrite, but let’s just avoid those words for now.
2. I used to party hard.
   One day, I’ll probably have a heart-to-heart with you when you come home smelling like booze. And no, I’m not going to be one of those “cool moms” who lets her teenager drink at home. Trust me, that’s a slippery slope. Before you think I’m just a total buzzkill, though, I did have my fair share of wild nights. I mean, I’ve been the girl tossing back drinks, dancing on tables, and even buying a Christmas tree at 4 a.m. and naming it “Henry.” But I also did some reckless stuff, like driving drunk. So when I freak out about your safety, understand that it’s coming from a place of love. Just get to 21 safely, and I promise we’ll have some fun together.
3. I wasn’t always a nag.
   I know I sound like a broken record sometimes, urging you to eat your veggies and hurry up. But let’s be real, I wasn’t always this strict. Not that long ago, I could sleep in until noon and binge-watch whatever I wanted. Back in college, your dad and I would stay up late watching terrible reality TV. But now, I’ve got to be the responsible adult teaching you how to be decent humans, which means I have to nag a bit. I’d honestly love to chill and binge-watch movies all night, but I have to enforce some rules. How about this: this weekend, you can have waffles for dinner if I can sleep in until noon? Deal?
4. I used to think I was cool.
   Okay, let’s be real, you probably won’t believe this, and I’m not so sure myself anymore. Next topic.
5. I dreamed of you before you were even a thought.
   Long before I said my first curse word or had any wild nights out, I dreamt of having you. The idea of my own family was always there, lurking in my heart. In some cosmic way, I was meant to be your mom long before I even knew you existed. Yes, you’ve changed me in countless ways, but you’ve also given me the most precious gift: the fulfillment of that dream. And for that, I’d trade back all the wild nights without a second thought.