My Partner Snores, So I’m Considering a Split

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“Goodnight, Dad.”
“Sleep well!” I wave from my spot on the couch, enjoying the blissful Netflix phase of parenting. Having teenagers has its challenges, but one significant perk is that they can manage their own bedtime and actually sleep through the night. Score!

So when I turned 40, I decided to embrace my new phase of life. I didn’t dwell on the new fine lines or the inevitable signs of aging. Instead, I thought, “It’s time to catch up on some serious sleep after a decade of being a sleep-deprived parent.”

One evening, after kissing my partner goodnight, I turned over, looking forward to a full night of rest, uninterrupted…until I heard it.
“Znnnh…”
What in the world was that?
“Hey, did you say something?” Silence. My partner is notorious for falling asleep the moment their head hits the pillow. As I started to drift off again, the noise came back: a small choking sound from their nostrils, “Znh!”
Oh no, not this!

Being the ever-caring partner, I gently nudged their shoulder. They jolted awake as if I’d shocked them. “What?”
“Roll over! You’re snoring!” I whispered through clenched teeth.
And that’s how my peaceful nights came to an end.

Initially, it was just an occasional disturbance—maybe once a week—but now it’s a nightly occurrence. I’ve always struggled to fall asleep; all I need is complete darkness and silence. So this new noise cutting through my nighttime tranquility was a major problem. Seriously? I finally get to sleep through the night, and now my partner’s snoring is ruining it? You’ve got to be kidding me.

I took matters into my own hands. “It was nice knowing you, but I think we’re going to need separate bedrooms from now on.”
“Oh, is that how it’s going to be? Should we just get separate houses too?” they shot back.
“Absolutely! Can I have the bigger one? You can have the guest shed in the backyard and come visit for conjugal moments,” I joked.

When we shared our amusing plans for separate rooms and houses with friends, some found it disturbing (sorry, Aunt Lisa), but we thought it was hilarious. Turns out, we’re not alone in this snoring struggle. Mention “snoring” to couples, and it’s like flipping a switch—pointing fingers and accusations fly faster than if you asked who’s worse at doing the dishes. Many couples resort to sleeping in separate bedrooms, on couches, or even in their kids’ rooms, using “family bonding” as a cover to catch some quality sleep!

For now, we’ve found a solution that works for us. My nighttime routine involves setting my alarm, plugging in my phone, and then… plugging in my earplugs. I found some that muffle my partner’s snoring just enough while still letting me hear important things like tornado warnings or the kids getting sick in the bathroom.

I consider myself fortunate: my partner is on the thinner side, and their snoring isn’t too bad. It’s more like the sound of little branches being chopped. I’ve been in rooms with larger snorers whose sounds could rival a chainsaw, and that’s pure torture.

Those of you in similar situations know it’s no laughing matter. Sleep deprivation can seriously affect your performance, almost like being under the influence of alcohol. Plus, severe snorers often don’t get enough oxygen at night, leading to fatigue and irritability. If you suspect your partner might have sleep apnea, don’t hesitate to consult a sleep clinic. And if encouraging a visit to the clinic doesn’t work, there are plenty of over-the-counter devices you can buy and strategically place on their nightstand—just remember, sweetening the deal with some affection if they wear them can help!

For the record, my partner claims I snore too, but I call that nonsense. I’ve never heard it!

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Summary

Snoring can be a serious issue in relationships, causing sleepless nights and frustration. Finding a solution, whether through earplugs or separate sleeping arrangements, can help couples maintain their sanity. It’s important to address sleep issues like apnea with professional help if necessary.