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Can You Be an Alcoholic and a Good Mom?
Hey there, I’m Mia, and I want to share a bit about my life as a mom and an alcoholic. It’s a tough combination, and I’ve wrestled with it for years. I’ve told myself “I’m an alcoholic” countless times, but the first time I said it at an AA meeting, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I had just made a last-minute decision to stop by after picking up a bottle of whiskey and some beer. It was like a lightbulb moment, even if I didn’t fully grasp it then.
Walking into that meeting was a game changer. I was welcomed with open arms by a few women who quickly comforted me, and for the first time in a long while, I felt cared for and not judged. But when the meeting wrapped up, I left with the booze still in my truck, planning to drink it. I had their contact information, but the truth was I wasn’t ready to give up the drink. I didn’t have the strength to even tell my teenage son about my struggle.
You might be asking, “How can someone love alcohol more than their child?” It’s complicated. My mom was an alcoholic, and I lost her before I could even know her. My dad drank occasionally, but I only saw him drunk once, and it was a clear sign of his own struggles with depression. That same darkness has followed me, and alcohol became my way of coping.
For me, alcohol is like a temporary fix for my mental health battles. I deal with bipolar II disorder, and on some days, I feel hypomanic while other days, the mania creeps in, pushing me toward that bottle as a way to stabilize myself. While some folks unwind with a glass of wine, I might down a pint of whiskey just to feel okay.
The facade of happiness is hard to maintain. Inside, I’m often battling shame and guilt, especially when I think back to moments like attending my son’s basketball game while intoxicated. I know I let him down. I wonder if my drinking is teaching him that excessive drinking is acceptable.
I grew up watching movies that glamorized drinking as a means to escape pain, which only added to my confusion about alcohol use in my 20s. I don’t drink every day, and I can even go weeks without touching a drop. But I still grapple with the label of “alcoholic,” which becomes even heavier when I think about being a good mom.
So, why am I sharing this? Because I know I’m not alone. There are other moms out there who might feel trapped in a cycle of addiction, questioning their worth. It’s up to us to determine the paths we take, even when the easiest route might be the most destructive.
As I navigate this journey, I want to emphasize that you are not alone in your struggles. There’s a community out there, and acknowledging our faults is the first step toward healing.
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Summary
Navigating life as a mom and an alcoholic is challenging. Often, it feels like a battle between addiction and the desire to be a good parent. While I struggle with my choices, I know I’m not alone and that awareness is a crucial first step toward healing.