5 Life Lessons My Autistic Brother Taught Me – Without Even Trying

Recently, a friend asked me how my life would have been different if I didn’t have a brother with autism. Honestly, I can say it would have been way less colorful, less intriguing, and definitely less meaningful. Over the years, my brother Mark has imparted countless lessons just by being himself. Here are my top five takeaways:

1. Ask if you can handle the truth.

Mark has this incredible, unfiltered honesty about him. He doesn’t mean to be blunt, but he doesn’t hold back either. He has no capacity for lying, which has led to some hilariously awkward moments. Like the time someone asked, “Mark, are you excited to see me?” and he replied, “Not really.” It always makes me chuckle and makes me think about how different the world would be if everyone spoke their minds so openly. That’s why I often consult him for fashion advice!

2. Not all battles are visible.

You can be hurting without a visible scar. Autism is often an invisible disability. Even though you might see Mark flapping his arms or talking to himself, it’s easy to miss the deeper struggles he faces. Sometimes, I find myself wishing he had a more obvious disability just so others would be more understanding. When people see a tall, good-looking young man acting a little “off,” they can jump to conclusions about his behavior being “rude” or “weird.” I’ve learned to approach each interaction with an open mind because you never know what someone is going through. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

3. Grieving is not just for loss.

I once told a reporter that receiving an autism diagnosis feels like losing your best friend. Some might think that’s harsh, but it’s a kind of grief—the loss of the future you envisioned for your family. I went through denial, anger, and sadness, and it’s completely okay to feel those emotions. I still grieve for what Mark could have had, but I’ve learned to keep it brief. Being stuck in sadness doesn’t help anyone.

4. Miracles do happen.

I know this sounds cliché, but I truly believe that parents of children with disabilities need to hold onto hope. While it’s important to have realistic expectations, don’t box yourself in with limitations. Just because Mark was nonverbal doesn’t mean he’s stuck that way forever. The Mark I know today is vastly different from the one I knew five or ten years ago—he’s even singing now (and he’s better than me)!

5. You can’t control everything, but you can control your response.

I love to plan and organize—my to-do lists are practically a work of art. But when you’re caring for someone with a disability, you learn that life can throw curveballs. You never know if a simple grocery run will turn into chaos because of something as silly as “hard pants” (yes, that’s what Mark calls jeans!). So, stop wasting your energy on things outside of your control. It’s a total drain. You don’t have to be upbeat all the time, but a positive perspective can make life more enjoyable.

Bonus: It never hurts to say “hello.” This one speaks for itself!

In conclusion, having a brother like Mark has taught me invaluable life lessons and given me a unique perspective on life. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs, but it’s also full of joy and growth. For more insights and tips on related topics, check out this post on home insemination kits or learn about artificial insemination from an authority on the subject. If you’re considering pregnancy options, this resource provides excellent information on IVF as well.