5 Things I Regret Saying to My Partner After Our First Child

Eight years ago, I welcomed my first child into the world at the young age of 24. To say I was clueless would be an understatement. In my confusion and fear, I ended up saying some really thoughtless things to my partner. I regret those moments deeply, and I’d love to have a chat with my younger self. Hopefully, new dads can learn a thing or two from my blunders.

1. When can we get back to intimacy?

Oh, poor me! Having to wait months for intimacy. Meanwhile, my partner just endured a major surgery to bring our baby into the world. Seriously? It’s time to put my own needs aside for a moment. After all, she’s been through so much—her body deserves a break, not my selfish inquiries.

2. When are we going to start working out again?

By saying “we” instead of “you,” I made it sound like she needed to rush back to her pre-baby figure. Not cool. What I should have realized is that my partner was navigating a new body and the stress of motherhood. I married her for her incredible spirit, not just how she fit into a pair of jeans. Time to give her some grace.

3. I’m so tired.

Sure, parenting is exhausting for both of us, but sharing my fatigue with her only adds pressure. It can feel like I’m asking her to comfort me when she’s the one dealing with the physical demands of recovery and caring for our newborn. She doesn’t need to hear about how tired I am—she’s got enough on her plate.

4. Ugh, do I really have to change the baby?

Absolutely, yes! I’m a dad now, and that means stepping up. Complaining about diaper duty is not only lazy; it’s disrespectful. Changing diapers is part of being a parent and offers me a chance to bond with my child. I should embrace it, not dodge the responsibility.

5. You have three months off from work, it’s like a vacation!

No way! It’s recovery time for her, not a holiday. Those three months are crucial for her healing and bonding with our baby. What I really meant to express was my longing for paternity leave so I could be there for both of them. It’s frustrating that I didn’t get that time, and I shouldn’t project that onto her.

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In summary, being a new parent comes with its challenges, and it’s important to communicate with empathy and understanding. As I reflect on my past mistakes, I hope to encourage others to be more thoughtful in their words and actions.