My partner and I enjoyed several vacations with our in-laws before we welcomed our little ones. We would typically stay at the same hotel and meet up for dinner, but the time before that was ours to explore freely. However, everything changed once kids entered the picture.
Suddenly, our family vacations transformed from individual adventures into a crowded living experience where we were practically on top of each other. It’s been a journey of five years and another child to discover how to make these trips enjoyable. Here are some insights that might help you navigate similar situations:
1. What Happens on Vacation Stays on Vacation
Whether you’re wrestling with a baby while trying to breastfeed in front of your in-laws or dealing with any awkward moments, remember that these experiences won’t resurface during family gatherings. You can relax knowing that those stories will remain where they belong.
2. Define Responsibilities Early On
Typically, grandparents will want to do their own thing while parents handle the “real” work—like changing diapers and managing tantrums. Clear expectations about who does what can make for a much smoother experience.
3. Clarify What Help Means
What I consider helpful might not align with my mother-in-law’s definition. For example, my idea of help was getting a break at the beach, while she saw serving ice cream as her contribution. Being explicit about your needs can help bridge this gap.
4. Drop and Go
It took me a while to realize that my kids could manage a few hours without me. Now, I’ve mastered the art of dropping them off with no warning and simply saying, “You’ll be fine!” as I head out the door.
5. Don’t Assume Schedules Align
You might expect that retirees will have similar schedules to young children, but that’s not always the case. While my kids are up at 6 am, my in-laws seem to miss the memo about early mornings. The silver lining? They often take over after bedtime, giving me a chance to enjoy a sunset stroll on the beach.
6. Take Charge of Accommodations
Never let your in-laws book the lodging! Mine once reserved a condo with twin beds in every room, including ours. With two kids to manage, it’s a bit challenging when your mother-in-law acts as if you don’t have a life outside of parenting.
7. Reframe Your Perspective
Instead of calling it a vacation, refer to it as a trip or visit. This simple change can shift your mindset and help you mentally prepare for the real vacation that’s coming up—after all, who doesn’t need a break after a family getaway?
8. Plan a Post-Trip Retreat
I used to come home exclaiming I needed a vacation after my vacation. Now, I schedule a mini-retreat immediately after our family trip. This year, I cleverly used work as an excuse to head back home five days earlier than the rest of my family. Those five days of solitude will be my real vacation!
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In summary, navigating vacations with in-laws can be tricky, especially with kids in the mix. By setting clear boundaries, reframing your mindset, and planning for some personal time, you can make the experience memorable for everyone involved.