An Open Letter to the Speed Demon Zooming Down My Street

home insemination Kit

Hey there,

First off, can we talk about your speed? Seriously, SLOW DOWN. I can’t shout my frustration at you because I’m out front, watching my two little ones play on the sidewalk, and I don’t want them to hear me use that kind of language. Not that they haven’t heard it before—let’s be honest, they probably have. But I really don’t want the neighbors thinking I’m a sailor, you know?

My son is happily drawing with sidewalk chalk while my daughter is doing her best to wiggle out of my grasp. She’s a little firecracker, always trying to dart off into the unknown, which makes my job of keeping them safe all the more stressful. I can’t help but feel a knot in my stomach every time you come barreling down the street. Can you please just ease up on the gas? We barely get to enjoy our front yard because of the chaos you create.

The speed limit here is 25 mph, and you’re clearly flying past that. I’ve seen you, phone in one hand and your eyes glued to the screen as you zoom by. Sometimes, it’s a young guy with his music blasting, racing to pick up his girlfriend—who, by the way, I know, and she’s a great kid. I wonder if her mom is aware of your reckless driving. I might just give her a call later. Seriously though, SLOW DOWN.

Then there are the older folks, like that sweet lady in the Buick who surprisingly speeds like you’re all in a race. I’ve had brief chats with her, and she’s always been kind to my kids. But doesn’t she worry about hitting someone? I mean, does she have kids or grandkids? I hate to call her out but SLOW DOWN.

And let’s talk about the parents, too. You, in your minivan with your own kids onboard—what are you thinking? You should know better than anyone how vital it is to drive carefully. I get it, you’re in a hurry, but you’re making me nervous. SLOW DOWN.

Sometimes, I see a middle-aged guy waving as he speeds past, sipping his coffee. I’m flailing my arms not to say hello, but to tell you to SLOW DOWN! It’s like you have no idea how fast you’re going. I watch my kids like a hawk, but why can’t you follow the rules? We’ve tried our best to keep them safe, but it feels like you’re treating the street like a racetrack.

So, to every driver zooming down my street, please do us a favor and SLOW THE HELL DOWN. If I see you again, don’t be surprised if I call you out. You’ve had it coming.

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In summary, please be mindful of your speed in our neighborhood. The safety of our kids should always come first.