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I See You, Mom
I picture you in my mind as a young woman in your early 20s, with shoulder-length, wild, copper-red hair. You’re slender and wearing a bikini, your feet dipped in a small kiddie pool with a little redheaded toddler—me! The sun shines brightly, casting a halo around your head as I look up and smile, feeling the warmth radiating from both you and the sun.
Fast forward a bit, and I see you crying in your bedroom. Now in your 30s, you’ve shed some weight but are carrying a heavier emotional load. Your hair remains vivid, with no signs of gray yet. Teenage me sits beside you on the bed, tears streaming down my face too. Divorce is foreign to me, but its impact is clear; it feels like it’s tearing us apart. My love for you burns fiercely, but there’s also a twinge of resentment. Why can’t things just be easy?
I see you stepping into a church, now in your 40s, still sporting that brilliant copper hair with flecks of white. You’re wearing green—your absolute best color. As we walk through the entrance, the music begins to play, and we share a giggle when someone rushes in late. You take my arm and guide me down the aisle, and as I turn to face my new husband, I can’t help but look back at you.
Now, I see you waiting at the door when I come home. You’re in your 50s, and there’s more gray in your hair along with a bit of weight around your waist. The night air is thick with the threat of rain, and you look anxious. Blue lights flash outside, creating a dance of light and shadow across your face. I hand you my son, trying to reassure you as an officer waits nearby with my husband. You want to support me, but I need you to keep my baby safe. Afterward, I choose to stay with you instead of going home. I finally understand—marriage is tough.
I see you again in a green dress, this time in your 60s, with gray fully taking over the copper. You still look stunning. As you gather my kids, handing one of my hands to each of them, you grasp mine and lead us to the front of the room as the music begins. My kids walk me down the aisle this time, and I know you’re proud as I take the children’s hands and turn toward my new husband, still keeping your presence close.
Lastly, I see a chubby redheaded toddler in that same kiddie pool, feeling the sun on my head. Now in my 40s, my hair is red and a bit wild—familiar yet new. I wonder if he’ll remember these moments. I glance at my reflection in the window.
I see you.
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In summary, this piece reflects on a mother’s journey through various stages of life, capturing moments of joy, sorrow, and growth. From carefree days by the pool to navigating the complexities of relationships, it beautifully illustrates the evolving bond between a mother and daughter.