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The New Normal After 9/11
If there’s one thing September teaches us, it’s that we often wish we had spent our time fully experiencing the moment instead of just memorializing it.
It’s a leisurely Saturday morning of Labor Day weekend. My eldest is snuggled up with a book in my bed. My daughter is busy constructing a Lego masterpiece, while the baby flips through colorful books beside me as I fold her laundry. My partner is at the gym, and I’m sipping on a hot cup of coffee while sunlight streams through the windows. Soft tunes play in the background. In that fleeting moment, everything feels perfect, and everyone is content.
But then, my heart starts to race. I recognize that sense of unease. It feels too perfect, and that makes me anxious. Perhaps I’ve always been wired this way, to believe that when things seem just right, a fall is just around the corner. Maybe it’s something I picked up during the chaotic years of my early adulthood. Each generation experiences defining moments of grief that reshape them; for our parents, it was the assassinations of JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., and Bobby Kennedy. For us, it was 9/11.
That autumn, I discovered that Manhattan is truly an island, and seeking help from an isolated place can be both daunting and frightening. I learned the importance of holding onto hope, even when faced with overwhelming evidence to the contrary. The act of nurturing hope often matters more than the harsh realities surrounding us. I learned that tragedies can strike good people on seemingly perfect days.
If you ask anyone about that fateful Tuesday in 2001, they’ll likely mention the weather. Even today, a clear September morning—balmy, with the occasional cloud floating through an impossibly blue sky—sends chills down my spine. In my mind, perfection is forever linked with impending doom.
I had just moved to Manhattan on September 8, 2001. Just three days later, everything flipped upside down, ushering in a new normal. The strange thing about this new normal is that the transition happens so quickly that it becomes hard to remember what life was like before. Eventually, it becomes ordinary to ride the subway and see those “missing” posters plastered everywhere. Do I recognize these faces? Did I see them just yesterday or the day before? You study those faces in the photos, and your heart simultaneously accepts the grim reality that finding them is almost impossible, but still, the people who put those signs up must hold onto hope because the idea of their absence is unfathomable.
I was single, living alone in a cramped apartment with an illegal sublet, navigating life like many New Yorkers. Whatever the new normal was post-9/11, it was the only one I knew. I quickly learned that much of life is lived in the past. In the relentless march of time and history, there are truly no survivors.
As a person and a parent, 9/11 imparted many lessons. It highlighted our shared mortality and the terrifying randomness of existence. On any given day, the weight of these thoughts can be paralyzing. I look at my three little ones, bursting with needs and potential. How can I love them fully without being haunted by what has already been lost or what could lie ahead?
Yet, I also learned not to overanalyze any single moment, but to embrace each one for what it is—neither the first nor the last of anything. The only constant is that there will always be another new normal waiting just around the corner. Life’s tides come in swiftly, leaving little room for sentimentality. Ultimately, what matters are the truths and the people you hold close today.
As I see my partner’s car pull into the driveway, we share one of those unspoken conversations that partners often have, where he senses the anxiety radiating from me. It’s a reminder that I need to breathe, to step off my island and onto the next thing before I spiral into panic over the goodness of this moment. Sometimes, we need the support of those we love to propel us forward, reminding us that it’s not about whether a moment is good or bad, but about having someone who cares enough to push us to the next one.
For more insights on navigating parenthood and life’s changes, check out this blog post.
In summary, 9/11 reshaped our understanding of safety, hope, and the fleeting nature of life. It taught us to cherish the moments we have, even amidst the uncertainty.