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How I Finally Gave Up on Family Dinner
If you dive into the research and listen to the so-called experts, you’ll find that family dinner is deemed essential. Kids who gather around the dinner table nightly with their parents are supposedly smarter, kinder, more capable, and even more likely to end up running a hedge fund after graduating from an Ivy League school—never having touched a drug. Sounds great, right? But here’s the hitch for me: I absolutely dread family dinner.
My kids are on the Early Bird schedule, which means the three of us sit down to eat before their dad gets home from work four nights a week. And let me tell you, it’s usually a nightmare. With two ultra-picky eaters, meal planning becomes a source of stress, and honestly, I just don’t enjoy cooking. Ever.
As soon as we sit down, I morph into this grumpy gremlin of a mom, nagging them to sit up straight and not to play with their food. Sometimes they manage to eat a few bites, while other times they turn dinner into a hummus-and-yogurt-spreading extravaganza. And of course, there’s always some silly song from camp that they insist on singing at the table. Their latest hit goes something like: “Moose, Alpaca, Moose, Moose, Alpaca, Evil Mr. Coconut turned into a palm tree!” (Seriously?) I usually love their singing, but not during dinner. Eventually, I snap and remind them that singing isn’t allowed at the table, then I storm off to wash dishes in a passive-aggressive huff that goes right over their heads.
I was venting about this to my therapist, expecting her to tell me how crucial family dinners are and give me tips to improve the situation. Instead, she offered a refreshing perspective: “Forget about family dinner. Let it go.” She explained that the goal isn’t necessarily the formal dinner itself, but rather finding a way to connect regularly. Whether that’s through reading together, coloring, or simply listening to their chatter on the way to school, it’s all about establishing a routine of togetherness. If sitting down for dinner works for you, great! But if it turns into a chaotic scene where kids refuse to eat and sing nursery rhymes instead, don’t sweat it. Find alternative ways to bond with your kids daily.
Well, that was a revelation! I can totally read to my kids, color with them, sing songs, and snuggle at bedtime. And I can even sit with them at breakfast (coffee makes everything better). So, I’ve let go of the idea of family dinner. To clarify, I still feed them every night (yes, every single night), and occasionally I join them. Some nights, we even take our plastic Hello Kitty plates outside, munching on nuggets while they run up and down the steps, chatting with neighbors and collecting stones for their rock garden. Other times, they eat while I tidy up, as keeping busy helps me stay calm. And there are evenings when I read to them while they eat; we even got through the entire American Girl catalog one week, which was way less annoying than their usual bickering.
Now that we’ve waved goodbye to the concept of family dinner, I can’t say for sure whether my kids will make it to an Ivy League school or not. But I do feel much more confident that we’ll all make it to their 18th birthdays.
If you’re interested in family bonding tips, check out some of our other posts here. And if you want more information on home insemination and parenting, this resource is a fantastic read.
Summary: In this article, Jenna shares her journey of letting go of the traditional family dinner concept due to stress and chaos, emphasizing the importance of finding alternative ways to connect with her kids. By changing her perspective, she discovers that there are many other bonding moments available, leading to a happier family dynamic.