Hey there, kids! Sometimes your mom just needs a moment of privacy in the restroom.
As I sneak away from the clamor of the kitchen, like a stealthy ninja, I navigate through the living room and into the master bath — once my personal oasis. It boasts a deep, white soaking tub that could host a synchronized swimming team, dual sinks, and a glass walk-in shower that practically vanishes when it’s spotless. This bathroom was once my serene escape.
However, after the arrival of our little one, that beautiful marble tub transformed into a makeshift changing station for several months. The tub became a tiny pool for my baby — a solo swim party, really, especially if you count my elbows. The shower? It might as well have dried up, much like my self-care routine. Did I shower yesterday? Or was it the day before? sniff
I carefully remove the childproof door stopper, turn the knob, and close the door with the utmost caution. I’m sweating from the effort, but finally, I can take a moment to breathe. Then I remember… my phone is still tucked into my sweatshirt. Ah, sweet freedom.
Settled on the throne, I dive into my emails, social media, and messages. My fingers are racing across the screen. It’s a glorious escape from motherhood, allowing me to catch up with the outside world. I revel in the weekend plans of friends, exciting stories from former teammates, the latest sales at Target, and the latest political antics. I’m in my zone. Then…
Suddenly, I feel a familiar sensation in my gut. I hold my breath, sensing the impending doom. It’s faint, but it’s getting closer. I freeze, going into survival mode. Then, I see tiny fingers peek under the door, followed by an earth-shattering wail of “Maaaaaaama!” and a confused “Dada?” from my little one.
I’ve barely been gone for two minutes, but I can see why panic has set in. I could be lost or worse, consumed by gypsies! It’s either an emergency or I’m just taking care of business. My heart races, and I whisper, “Mommy’s coming.” But before I can finish, my partner chimes in, “Moms poop too, buddy.”
And just like that, my secret is out.
Four years ago, I would have never even hinted at such a thing in front of my husband. I’d make excuses like, “The litter box needs tending!” or “Did you forget to flush?” But never would I dare mention the P-word. I’d navigate my bathroom breaks with the stealth of a secret agent, planning them around his absence.
But then life happened — the C-section, the drugs, the embarrassing gas. I was in diapers and accepting help from nurses. The charm of my former self was gone.
“Moms poop too, buddy.” What a shift in our dynamic! Parenthood has made us more real, embracing both the beautiful and the messy sides of life. And today, with so much to catch up on, that shower is looking pretty tempting.
“Yes, Mama’s pooping! I’ll be out in 10!”
For more insights on navigating motherhood, check out our article on intracervicalinsemination.com or learn about the process of artificial insemination at Make a Mom and dive deeper into the topic on Wikipedia.
In summary, motherhood is a journey full of hilarious and challenging moments. Embracing the chaos and allowing ourselves those brief escapes can offer much-needed relief.