Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason

home insemination Kit

When I went in for my 36-week growth scan and learned the heartbreaking news that my son had passed away, I was completely shattered. A mix of deep sadness and overwhelming shock washed over me. For weeks, I would wake up in the middle of the night, momentarily forgetting the tragedy. But as my mind transitioned from dreams to reality, the painful truth would hit me—this was not just a nightmare; this was my new reality.

People often struggle to find the right words when faced with the loss of a baby. It disrupts the natural order of life. There isn’t even a term for parents who lose a child. Think about it: if you lose your parents, you’re labeled an orphan. If you lose a spouse, you’re a widow or widower. But if you lose a child? People just feel relieved it’s not them.

Conversations with friends and family in those early days after such a loss can be awkward and uncomfortable. While some understand that a simple hug and a kind word can mean the world, others often resort to phrases that are meant to comfort but feel utterly misplaced. “Everything happens for a reason.”

I can’t tell you how many times I heard those words after my loss. I wonder if people really grasp the weight of that statement or if they just say it because someone told them it was profound. When tragedy strikes, these five little words become a go-to, as if they can somehow restore balance to the chaos of life.

Did your dog get hit by a car? “Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.”
Lost your job and your house? “Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.”
Your partner cheated on you? “Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.”
Your child is being bullied? “Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.”
And when it comes to the loss of a baby, “Don’t be sad because everything happens for a reason.” But no one can explain what that supposed reason is.

The underlying message seems to be that eventually, you’ll realize this was a blessing in disguise. You’ll learn something valuable from this horrible experience. So, they say, don’t be sad—just wait for that magical moment when it all makes sense.

Let me be clear: I reject the idea that everything happens for a reason. Anyone who believes that has likely never faced true tragedy. What reason could possibly justify the death of a perfectly healthy baby? Can’t think of one? That’s because there isn’t one. There’s no hidden wisdom waiting to be uncovered; it just plain hurts.

Why did our baby die when another was born into a life of addiction? Why did our longed-for child die while others are discarded like trash? Every time I hear about a baby suffering abuse or neglect, it feels like a punch to the gut.

Everything happens for a reason? Absolutely not. The truth is, life is random. Being a good person or following a certain faith doesn’t shield you from heartbreak. Did you honestly think that just because you’re kind, you’d be spared from tragedy? Think again.

Life is unpredictable. Sometimes really good people face terrible circumstances, and sometimes bad things happen to those who seem to glide through life unscathed. It’s just how things work. You don’t have control over it, so stop blaming yourself.

Let go of the need to justify the bad things that happen by insisting they must serve a purpose. Sometimes there’s no greater good or lesson to be learned; sometimes life is simply unfair. Sometimes, things just happen for no reason at all.

If you’re navigating the complexities of pregnancy and loss, or if you’re considering home insemination options, check out this excellent resource on female infertility and explore the home insemination kit for more information. For further insights, you might find our blog post on intracervical insemination helpful.

In summary, while it’s easy to seek comfort in the idea that everything happens for a reason, the reality is often much harsher. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes tragedy strikes for no apparent reason. It’s okay to acknowledge that and to feel the pain without trying to rationalize it away.