The Ultimate Misnomer: “Mom and Baby Are Just Fine”

home insemination Kit

When I welcomed my daughter a year ago, my partner eagerly shared the news: She weighed this much, was this long, and yes, “mom and baby are just fine.” This phrase, a familiar part of every birth announcement, suddenly felt absurd to me. Fine? We were fine?

In truth, there was nothing fine about it. The labor was excruciating. The epidural failed, and my partner kept adjusting the IV into my already sore hand. The nurse seemed to be new on the job. And let’s not even talk about the stitches. Meanwhile, my precious girl was out in the world, clearly bewildered by the whole ordeal. Our first photos were chaotic and unflattering. There was no indication that either of us was “fine.”

Lying there, unable to get up and comfort my crying baby, I was fuming. We couldn’t possibly be the only mother-baby duo misrepresented as “fine.” How many other women were labeled as such, when in reality they needed just a little more support after the intense experience of childbirth? Sleep, a better meal service, physical therapy—there had to be others like me. I couldn’t help but think that this so-called “baby-friendly” hospital wasn’t doing much for my little one, trapped in a plastic cradle, with two completely clueless adults trying to figure out how to soothe her.

It was infuriating that two people who had just gone through such a monumental experience could be casually called “fine.” It echoed the disheartening messages I’d received throughout my pregnancy: unless you were seriously injured, you were “fine.” Ignore the exhaustion, the anxiety, just keep taking your vitamins, stick to the schedule, and put on a happy face. Heaven forbid you express anything other than joy during those nine months because so many others wished they could say they were fine, but couldn’t. Just smile and let anyone who approaches you touch your belly.

I realized how “lucky” I was to have a supposedly “fine” pregnancy. Sure, it was filled with pain and anxiety about what was to come, but that was behind me now. The birth had been rough, but that was over too. Still, we were not fine. We would probably never be fine again. No, we were extraordinary. That little girl? She was the most beautiful baby in existence—and I had brought her into the world. Basically on my own.

Would you call someone who just completed an Ironman “fine”? No, they’re remarkable. Would we label the gladiators who survived the arena as “fine”? No, they were heroes. Did anyone refer to Michelangelo’s masterpiece as just “fine”? No, he was a genius. Did Joseph tell the shepherds and angels that Mary and Jesus were doing “fine”? Yeah, he probably did. Men.

My newborn and I were at the peak of the world, even if neither of us could walk or effectively express our needs. We were uncertain about the future, sure, but we were incredible. We knew a few crucial things: we were loved, we were alive, and we had each other.

Mom and baby aren’t “fine.” Let’s stop saying that, and even better, let’s stop believing it. It’s never been true for anyone. Mom and baby are miraculous beings; they are warriors. They’ve conquered birth and are ready to tackle whatever challenges life throws at them. Mom and baby could take on the world—just as soon as mom can get out of bed by herself.

For more insights and stories from this journey, check out our other posts, such as this one. And if you’re interested in exploring fertility options, Make A Mom is a fantastic resource. If you’re curious about the science behind it all, this Wikipedia page offers valuable information.

In summary, the notion that new moms and their babies are simply “fine” is a gross understatement. After enduring the trials of childbirth, the bond formed between them is extraordinary and deserving of recognition. They emerge not just unscathed, but as resilient warriors ready to face whatever comes next.