A couple of weeks ago, I received a text from my sister, who welcomed her third baby earlier this year. She wrote, “Please tell me I’m not the only one who has days when it feels impossible. When just stepping outside for a breather seems like the only way to cope. I need to know I’m not alone.” I chuckled, fully aware of her seriousness. My inner monologue was screaming “every single day” and “just this morning” and “it’s a minute-by-minute struggle.”
Let me tell you, parenting is tough. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever tackled, and I used to run six miles every morning in sweltering heat before commuting to a demanding job. I even trained for marathons while pushing a double stroller with a 4-year-old and a 3-year-old inside. But nothing compares to the challenge of parenting.
There are countless moments throughout my day when I just want to wave the white flag and escape to the Riverwalk in San Antonio, where my husband and I enjoyed life before kids—when I didn’t have a mini panic attack every time a little one wandered too close to the edge of the path, imagining having to jump into that murky water to rescue them.
Just last week, I had a classic “I give up” moment. While moving laundry from the washer to the dryer (a process that takes two minutes tops), my 3-year-old twins decided to venture outside into what is usually a safe backyard. When I finally finished, one twin returned inside, and the entire house smelled like gasoline. “Why does it smell like gasoline?” I asked, looking around in confusion. The guilty look on his face told me everything.
His brother soon followed, both of them covered in the scent of a filling station. I peeked outside to find their dad’s gas can, which should have been locked away, sitting on the deck. Somehow, in a matter of minutes, these little troublemakers had managed to spill gasoline everywhere—on the deck, the grass, and themselves. Thankfully, no one in our house smokes; otherwise, we might have been in serious trouble.
I tossed both boys into the bathtub (not part of the morning plan) while their baby brother cried downstairs because he hates being alone. My husband rushed to spray down the deck and soaked the grass, fearing the Texas sun would ignite the gasoline and turn our backyard into a bonfire.
That day was definitely one of those moments when I wanted to throw in the towel, realizing that I can never fully toddler-proof my home or keep them out of every tempting thing. It would take a small army of me to even attempt it!
I used to feel guilty for having thoughts like these. I’d berate myself for wishing things were different—like not having twins, or wishing they weren’t so endlessly curious and rowdy at this age. But here’s what I’ve learned: just because we have moments when we want to escape or trade our kids in for a quieter version doesn’t mean we love them any less.
These little humans can drive us to our wit’s end one minute and then fill our hearts with joy the next. There are days when I want to sit and color with them because they’re getting along so well, and then, just a few hours later, I want to list them as “free to a good home” on Craigslist (I’d probably have to fib a little, saying they’re “well-behaved twins of unknown age.”).
I cherish old photo albums that capture their early days in the NICU, remembering the worry and tears I shed as I helped them learn to eat. Those moments seem like a lifetime away from today, when they’re sticking their hands into the toilet to see what’s floating (trust me, they already know).
Some minutes I’m joyfully showering them with kisses, and other times I’m half-heartedly trying to keep their big brother from clobbering them for doodling on his journal with a red permanent marker (seriously, who keeps giving us those?).
Parenting is no walk in the park. It’s the most demanding job we’ll ever face. Raising children to be kind, decent people is no simple feat, and we’re bound to feel like giving up at times. It’s just part of the journey.
When my sister texted me, I shot back, “Yes! Almost every day! That doesn’t make you a bad mother.” And it doesn’t.
Those moments of wanting to give up can actually make us stronger parents. They push us to grow and deepen our understanding of love. Thankfully, I have a sense of humor about it all because just when I think I’ve seen it all, my toddler decides to open a can of paint my husband left out, turning the pantry wall into a colorful masterpiece.
By the end of this parenting adventure, I’ll have transformed into one incredible individual!
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In summary, parenting is a rollercoaster of emotions filled with moments of both joy and frustration. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed at times, and reaching out for support is essential. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.