Parenting: The Shift from Teaching Moments to Survival Mode

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I used to take a more hands-on approach when it came to guiding my kids through life’s little lessons. For instance, if one of them tried to slide down the banister like they were in a cartoon, I’d say something like, “Whoa! That looks fun on TV, but in real life, that’s a no-go. Can you guess why? Right! It’s dangerous! Banisters are for staying safe while using the stairs. What do you think might happen if you fall off? Yup, you could get really hurt. Got any better sliding ideas? A playground slide? Awesome! Now, let’s wrap this up with a hug.”

Sweet, right? I was being thoughtful and taking the time to help my kids learn about safety, food choices, and other life lessons. After all, they need to figure out life on their own.

But recently, especially during those chaotic hours between waking up and bedtime, my approach has changed. I’ve shifted to more direct tactics because honestly, there’s no time for lengthy explanations when a child is about to bite the dog. Sarcasm and passive-aggressive questions have become my go-to. I find myself asking things like:

• “Do we put toys in the toilet?”
• “Are cats throwable?”
• “Can you wash your hair with pudding?”

I think the reason I’m less inclined to have “teaching moments” with my kids is that they often seem to lack common sense. They interact with the world in ways that no rational person would. Walls are canvases for diaper cream art, shirtsleeves make for great handkerchiefs, and my sanity? Well, that’s basically a punching bag.

• “Do we paint our brother?”
• “Are bookcases ladders?”
• “Do people enjoy being farted on?”

I might as well be giving a course on common sense to garden worms at this point. I want to believe my kids know the answers to my rhetorical questions (hint: they’re always “no”), but sometimes I wonder if their brains are functioning more like invertebrates, reacting solely to instincts and the position of the sun. “The sun is overhead,” my son might think, “time to pee on the front lawn!”

• “Are umbrellas swords?”
• “Are you an animal?”
• “Do we store things in our underpants?”

I’ve started pointing out the obvious, hoping to help these “curly, dimpled lunatics” realize we only jump on trampolines, not on our siblings. Even if they’re giggling.

• “Should you lick the floor?”
• “Are dogs meant to wear shoes?”
• “Does mommy come to dinner naked?”

It’s exhausting, I tell you, constantly correcting these little mistake-makers. But as a mom, I hold out hope that one day I won’t have to ask, “Does that go in your nose?”

If you’re navigating similar parenting challenges, you might find some helpful insights in this blog post about home insemination and parenting. Plus, check out resources on pregnancy and fertility at this page for more information on the journey to parenthood.

In summary, parenting can often feel like a never-ending cycle of reminding kids of what not to do. While it’s easy to get frustrated, there’s hope that one day they’ll grow out of the need for constant reminders. Until then, it’s all about survival and humor.