My daughter has dabbled in various sports, from the usual suspects like soccer and swimming to the less conventional choices like ice skating and karate. While she showed some talent in each, none ever sparked her enthusiasm. Every new endeavor began with excitement, but soon enough, convincing her to attend practices turned into a struggle. I wrestled with the idea of letting her quit—after all, shouldn’t I be teaching her about perseverance? However, I eventually came to terms with the reality that there was no point pouring time and money into activities she didn’t enjoy. Plus, I had my own history of quitting. From dance to gymnastics to basketball, I walked away from more sports than I could count. I always preferred books and school over athletics. And guess what? I turned out just fine.
One lesson I didn’t learn from my own sports experiences was a love for physical activity. I didn’t want my kids to inherit my lack of fitness enthusiasm, so I kept presenting her with new options, hoping she’d find her passion. Then, about a year and a half ago, at age 10, she found it: tennis. Inspired by her growing interest, I decided to join her on this journey.
She quickly advanced through recreational classes and was soon invited to join an elite program. I took private lessons and even made it onto the club’s doubles team as an alternate. We bought a ball caddy loaded with pink tennis balls and practiced our serves at the local court. Last summer, we attended a pro tournament, and her eyes lit up as we watched top-notch female players compete just a few feet away.
She started improving rapidly, and her coach frequently praised her progress. I tried to get her to enter local tournaments, but she always declined. When the sign-ups for our YMCA’s tennis team came around this spring, she hesitantly agreed to join, but she dreaded practices and begged me not to push her to challenge other players for a higher ranking.
One day, her dad asked if she truly enjoyed tennis. She always told me she did, but I began to doubt it. I asked her if she envisioned playing tennis competitively. She mumbled, “Yeah, maybe,” while staring at the ground. Around that time, she started to complain about stomachaches before lessons.
Concerned, I gently suggested we reduce her high-performance training for the summer and stick to one lesson a week. She agreed but seemed disappointed. The stomachaches persisted, mysteriously disappearing about half an hour after practice.
I was torn. On one hand, the tennis lessons were pricey, more than I could comfortably handle, and the practice schedule didn’t mesh well with our life. On the other hand, I wanted her to thrive in something. Her little brother is a competitive gymnast, and I thought it would be fair for her to have her own sport to shine in. Plus, I enjoyed the common interest we shared in tennis.
As the deadline for fall sign-ups approached, I brought it up again. “Why do you want to keep playing tennis?” I asked. Suddenly, she burst into tears. Between sobs, she confessed she wanted to quit but felt guilty about all the money I had spent and thought quitting would mean all that was wasted.
I tried not to do the math, but I could have funded a nice vacation with what I spent on lessons, racquets, and gear. I explained the idea of “sunk costs,” that we shouldn’t keep investing in something she doesn’t love just because we’ve already put time and money into it. She continued to cry. I handed her a tissue and told her I was proud of her honesty.
That night, we made the tough decision to stop. I felt a mix of relief and shock that she was really quitting. I framed it for her and her coach as a break. Maybe she’ll return to tennis one day, but I’m okay if she doesn’t. I’d rather she spend her time and my money on activities she genuinely loves.
I admit I’m still unsure about when to encourage my child to stick it out and when to let her quit. The belief that I needed to “stick it out” led me to stay in unhealthy relationships and unsatisfying jobs, and I don’t want that for her. On the other hand, you can’t simply walk away when things get tough. After all, there’s that famous Vince Lombardi quote about winners and quitters. No one wants their child to be labeled a quitter.
But here’s the thing: she doesn’t quit everything. She’s a talented musician, plays three instruments, and never complains about practice. She’s a dedicated student, managing her homework without reminders. She’s a skilled artist, spending hours sketching. So she may not be a tennis player, but that’s perfectly fine.
I’ve held firm on the idea that she should keep physically active, so she’s decided to try fencing next. Who wants to swap a tennis racquet for an épée?
In Summary
It’s essential for kids to find what they love and pursue it, even if it means quitting something that doesn’t fulfill them. As parents, we should support their choices and encourage them to explore different activities until they discover their passions.