Marriage and Kids: It’s Really Tough

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Ah, the dream. Was it ever more than just that? Love-struck, enchanted, all consumed by the idea of romance—love, love, love. I swear it was real once. I was just shy of 21 when I met him—the guy who flipped my world upside down. He breathed life into me, ignited my passions, and made me think about having it all: the dream of marriage and kids.

And he made it happen. He gave me everything I thought I wanted.

I was that bride who wasn’t too fussed about the wedding details; I just wanted to marry this amazing guy. The man I was thrilled to wake up next to every day, ready to share life’s adventures. The dream.

The honeymoon was blissful, and the first year of marriage felt like a fairytale. We started daydreaming about a little one—our child. How romantic, right? But then reality hit. I went into labor and pushed a baby out of my body. (WHAT JUST HAPPENED?)

Suddenly, it felt like I woke up from a love-induced haze. The all-consuming fog lifted, only to be replaced by what I call “The Life Quake.” It took a few weeks for me to accept being a mom as my new normal. We went from a duo to a trio, which was exciting but also overwhelming.

On one hand, I felt completely shattered—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. My husband, however, seemed unaffected, still getting his sleep and meals. Ugh, seriously? All he wanted was a little intimacy, while I longed for a simple shower.

Life became a series of arguments, misunderstandings, and adjustments. For the first time, our relationship felt like hard work. But we pushed through. I would pour out my feelings, while he sat there, hoping it would all end soon. We sometimes went to bed angry. I cried alone while watching my baby sleep, expressing my unhappiness and loneliness. Was it the hormones? The shock of this new life? Did I miss my husband? Was I being selfish?

Yes, to all of those. But we stuck together.

When our second child arrived, we felt like seasoned pros. It was both comforting and terrifying to know what to expect. We corrected many of our previous mistakes, especially regarding our relationship. But it was still hard! We faced sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and the constant demands of two little ones. I was pretty sure I’d never regain my libido, no matter how hard I tried.

The dream started to feel more like a nightmare some days. Yet, I often caught glimpses of my husband—the charming guy I fell for at 21. Those moments reminded me why I fell in love in the first place. I just hoped he was still seeing glimpses of the woman he married, not just my expanding waistline.

Once the baby fog began to clear and we decided to stop at two kids, I felt a wave of relief. We were making choices for ourselves again. We started asking for help—not because we needed it, but because we wanted to prioritize our marriage. We took short trips, enjoyed date nights, and relished some alone time at home. Oh, and guess what? My libido made a comeback!

But raising kids is still incredibly challenging. My toddler wants me all the time, which can be exhausting. I’m navigating life with a strong-willed, witty 7-year-old, and it’s driving me nuts. Don’t get me wrong; these are some of the best times of our lives. We’re blessed with healthy, happy kids, and I have a loving partner who’s always in my corner.

Yet, it’s still really tough. We’ve made it this far, and we’ll keep going, knowing that things will get better. We’ll continue to surprise each other, proving that despite how much life has changed, we’re still the same two people who met so many years ago.

Regardless of the challenges, we are absolutely living the dream, even if it’s been redefined time and again. It’s our dream.

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Summary:

Marriage and parenting can be incredibly challenging, often leaving couples feeling overwhelmed and disconnected. However, through communication and shared experiences, it is possible to rediscover the love that brought you together, even as your lives evolve. Embracing the journey, with all its ups and downs, makes it a unique adventure worth taking.