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Why My Child’s Mistake Felt So Different
I never would have known what my little one had done if it hadn’t been for the sound of something clattering on the pavement as we dashed across the parking lot. It turned out to be a pack of Mentos. I hadn’t bought those—my focus had been on Batman shirts for a birthday party we were rushing to attend.
“Did you take those!?” I yanked my son’s arm and turned us back toward the store, my heart racing. “You did! What made you think that was okay? You asked if you could have them, and I said no! So you just took them!?” Panic surged through me. “That’s it. No Chuck E. Cheese for you! We’re going home!”
“I saw them on the floor, so I thought I could take them,” he replied, trying to justify himself.
“No way! You know better than that! You can’t just take things without paying! If you do this when you’re older, it could get really serious. Do you understand?” But how could he? At that moment, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.
We marched into Old Navy with me dragging my son and his little sister behind, my face a mask of anger and humiliation. I approached the cashier, confessing, “We took these by mistake,” and placed the stolen candy on the counter. The cashier looked puzzled but nodded, and we left. Eventually, we went to Chuck E. Cheese after all. I wanted my son to learn a lesson, but I also didn’t want his sister to miss out. He had to sit alone in time-out for the first hour, while I mulled over what to do next.
After the party, I decided he needed to go back to Old Navy and apologize to the security guard and manager. When we arrived, he could barely look them in the eye, tears brimming. The young white men behind the counter exchanged sympathetic glances, almost wanting to apologize to him for a simple childhood mistake. They saw a cute little boy who made a poor choice, not a criminal.
I spoke with friends—both black and white—about how they or their siblings had shoplifted as kids. Most agreed I handled it well, giving him a time-out and making him return the item. But I couldn’t shake the overwhelming fear that lingered in my mind.
In an alternate reality, I might have thought I was overreacting, but I knew better. The stakes are higher for kids of color. A friend shared a story about her “chubby white teenage nephew” who faced no consequences after stealing from a store. I couldn’t help but wonder how differently things would have gone for my son if he were older, tall and athletic, standing before an angry store owner.
Instead of being furious with my young son for a typical childhood error, I found my anger directed at the societal injustices that still exist today. Why, 50 years after Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy, do black parents still lie awake worrying that their children will be judged by their skin color rather than their character? Why must we still have “the talk” about the potential dangers they face with even the smallest mistakes? Meanwhile, white parents rarely have to confront such fears.
Parenting can be exhausting, but navigating a world with such glaring double standards is a whole different level of stress. I felt overwhelmed, and I knew this was just the beginning of a long journey ahead.
In this blog, we’ve discussed the complexities of parenting, especially in the context of race. For more insights on related topics, check out this post on home insemination or learn about your options through this resource on pregnancy. If you’re considering starting a family, Make a Mom is a fantastic authority on the subject.
Summary: This article examines the author’s experience when her son was caught shoplifting, highlighting the different societal implications for children of color. It reflects on parenting fears and societal double standards while encouraging a discussion about race, judgment, and the unique challenges that come with raising children in today’s world.