Ever found yourself on the receiving end of questions like, “When are you having another baby?” or “Why haven’t you gotten pregnant yet?” If you have female reproductive parts, chances are you’ve heard these intrusive queries at some point. It’s as if your personal choices about family planning are open for public discussion, and it’s beyond frustrating. Society seems to think it’s perfectly fine to pry into a woman’s reproductive decisions, treating them as normal rather than the invasive and presumptuous inquiries they really are.
This societal expectation needs a serious makeover. Unfortunately, changing these norms takes a long time, and we can’t control what others say or think. We can only control how we respond—whether it’s with a polite smile, a firm “none of your business,” or simply walking away. It’s high time we challenge the notion that motherhood is obligatory and that every woman is constantly preoccupied with her fertility.
The Myth of Total Motherhood
Another pervasive idea that comes hand-in-hand with this pressure is the concept of “total motherhood.” This view suggests that once a woman becomes a mom, she should drop all her personal interests and focus solely on her child. It implies that all parenting responsibilities lie on her shoulders, and her worth is measured by how well she manages everything from feeding to educating her child.
But let’s be real: this idea is a total myth. Yes, parenting requires sacrifice, but the extreme notion of total motherhood can be suffocating. I’ve seen moms who haven’t stepped out without their kids in years or who judge others for using daycare, believing children should only be raised by their parents. Many even neglect their own needs, skipping basic self-care just to devote every ounce of energy to their little ones.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I can vouch for its truth. I tried to embrace the total mom role, and guess what? It left me feeling lonely and miserable. That negativity seeped into my family life too.
Finding Happiness as a Parent
But here’s the good news: you can be a stay-at-home parent and still find happiness. I discovered that taking care of myself made me a better parent. When I prioritized my own needs—whether it was through writing, yoga, or simply enjoying a quiet cup of coffee—I was much more present and joyful with my child.
Everyone needs a little space to breathe and think. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. So, reach out and create your support system. If family members are eager to babysit, let them! Coordinate playdates with other parents, or take a solo trip to the grocery store (and stop for a treat on the way!). Let your child enjoy a movie while you catch up on your own favorite show.
Find a way to reclaim your identity beyond motherhood. Your kids might not thank you right away, but trust me, they’ll appreciate it in the long run. To learn more about navigating parenthood, check out one of our other blog posts.
In Conclusion
In a nutshell, being a mom doesn’t mean giving up who you are. Embrace self-care and make it a priority. Your well-being matters just as much as your child’s, and finding that balance will benefit everyone in the long run.