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Why I Won’t Pay My Sons for Chores
As I start introducing chores to my 5-year-old son, he’s currently tasked with putting away his toys at the end of the day and “helping” me with laundry and vacuuming. Sure, his version of vacuuming is more about discovering what random items the hose can suck up—like that ace of hearts he found—but hey, at least he’s learning a bit about engineering along the way!
We’ve also begun giving him a small allowance: $1 for spending, $1 for saving, and $1 for giving, all thanks to the jar system suggested by parenting expert Ron James, author of The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money. He suggests separating chores from allowances, emphasizing that an allowance is a tool for teaching money management rather than a reward. After all, kids don’t “earn” their food and shelter either; those are simply part of the care we provide.
This brings us to the question of whether kids should earn extra cash for additional chores. I recently came across a post by Laura Fields that sparked a lively debate about the pros and cons of paying children for chores—whether it’s for everyday tasks or special jobs like cleaning the gutters and organizing the garage.
For a while, I entertained the idea of offering a few bucks for tasks like raking leaves or washing the dog. But then I thought about my boys and the men I’ve known throughout my life. Typically, household chores are shared, but it’s often the women who manage the task lists. We hope our partners will help without complaints, but the reality is that it’s usually women who take charge of what needs to be done. This in itself is a chore.
I want my boys to learn that chores are just part of life, not something to be avoided or bargained over. Yes, I want them to clean up after themselves without fuss, but more importantly, I want them to grow up with essential skills for managing a household. They should know how to meal plan, dust blinds, and clean gutters without needing to be told. I don’t want them to become adults who say, “Just tell me what to do,” but rather, I want them to be proactive and knowledgeable.
Running a household involves countless little tasks: knowing how much to cook for Thanksgiving, finding that special solvent for sticky messes, or determining when to clean the fridge. This mental juggling act is what you might call a “household manager’s” job. My hope is that my sons will leave home equipped with both household and money management skills.
If I start paying them for chores, I risk them opting out of less appealing tasks or only picking the fun ones. But that’s not how adulthood works. Sometimes you just have to wrestle a muddy dog without a paycheck in sight. So, as I wrap this up, I’ll go show my son how to clean out the vacuum hose—because, surprise, there’s another ace of hearts stuck in there!
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