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Is Your High School Self the Real You?
I find myself in an absurdly long security line at the Southwest terminal in LAX. True to form, I’ve somehow landed in the slowest line, surrounded by folks who seem utterly baffled by the “take your stuff and put it on the conveyor belt” part of the process. It’s a crawl. After a while, my inner monologue spills over, leading me to make a quip for anyone within earshot.
“If we move any slower, we’ll be going backwards,” I say.
Suddenly, I hear someone call my name from behind. I turn to see Mark, a high school buddy I haven’t seen in two decades. I’m thrilled to see him, but curious how he recognized me. “You haven’t changed a bit,” he says. “Still the witty, redheaded shoe fanatic.” I glance down at my sparkly sandals and cringe a little, realizing I had a similar pair back in high school. I’m impressed he remembers, but slightly horrified that my tastes seem stuck in a time warp.
Panic sets in. “Oh no!” I think. “I don’t want to be that same person from high school! Those years were a nightmare. I can’t be the same after all the effort I’ve put into changing!” A spiral of anxiety follows me all the way from Los Angeles to JFK. I’ve worked hard to evolve, and the thought of being seen as my high school self is terrifying.
Like many, I look back on high school with a shudder. My main goal was to blend in, to be invisible. I had braces, overdid the hairspray, and had a fascination with shoulder pads. Breaking free from that awkward phase has been a lifelong endeavor. The worry that I might still be viewed as that shy, geeky girl who hit puberty late and wore braces early is unsettling.
But as I reflect more, I realize high school wasn’t entirely terrible. I had an amazing group of friends—something I still strive to replicate. The 80s fashion was outrageous yet fun, and the music was unforgettable. I felt like I was living in a John Hughes movie, except in my version, the popular kids weren’t swooping in to save me; instead, they were trying to cheat off me in AP math or egging my house after parties.
Interestingly, I still enjoy the same music I did back then. Morrissey remains a staple in my playlist, and The English Beat is always just a click away. While my style has evolved—thankfully, I ditched the shoulder pads and penny loafers—my hair somewhat resembles what it did in my senior portrait, largely because I never went all out with the hairspray. And yes, I’m still the wisecracking redhead who can’t resist buying new shoes, just like Mark pointed out. Those tastes were formed in high school, and they continue to shape who I am today.
So, maybe I’m not so different from my high school self after all. Perhaps none of us truly are. High school is when we first develop our tastes and learn to express ourselves. It’s the time of first crushes and heartbreaks, and when we spend hours dreaming about our futures. Sure, it was a rollercoaster of zits and drama, but it was also a time of innocence, filled with possibilities, even with the occasional jerk trying to cheat off your homework.
So next time I bump into an old high school friend, I’ll take it as a compliment if they say I haven’t changed much. Upon reflection, high school wasn’t as bad as I thought, and maybe I wasn’t either.
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In Summary:
Reflecting on my high school years reveals that while I’ve changed in many ways, some elements of my high school self still resonate with who I am today. The journey of self-discovery continues, and it’s essential to embrace the past while moving forward.