Yesterday was Leo’s two-month checkup, and during the appointment, the doctor casually asked how often I nurse him each day. That one seemingly simple question sent me spiraling into a moment of panic. Should I be the mom who schedules his feedings, or the one who lets him nurse whenever he wants?
I can list the benefits of both approaches. Scheduled feeding might lead to:
- Better digestive regularity
- Less chance of snacking
- Improved milk supply regulation
- Easier scheduling for appointments and outings
On the flip side, on-demand feeding offers:
- Less crying
- Plenty of milk
- A more relaxed lifestyle (because I’m nursing more)
- Lots of bonding time with my little one
The truth is, I’m a bit of both. I’m the ambitious mom who wants her baby to fit into her busy life, yet I also crave those moments of connection, letting him nurse when he wants and enjoying our time together. It’s as if I’m caught in a tug-of-war between two parenting philosophies.
During a typical morning, I’m juggling lunch for my older kids while Leo cries in his bouncer. I scoop him up and pop him in the Baby Bjorn, where he peacefully drifts off to sleep against my chest. For a moment, I feel like I’m nailing this parenting thing.
But then, mere minutes later, I realize I need to pee, and my daughter needs help with her school project. Suddenly, that comforting closeness feels confining, and I attempt the tricky maneuver of moving him to his crib. Unfortunately, he wakes up just ten minutes later, leaving me with a baby who only napped for a short while.
The next day, I decide to try something different. I place Leo in his crib for nap time while I prepare lunch for the older kids. As I hear him cry, my anxiety spikes. I keep going in to pat him and replace his pacifier, but he only gets more upset. Eventually, I scoop him up, and once again, every instinct tells me to hold him close. I pop him back into the Baby Bjorn, and for a moment, all feels right again.
Then comes the pharmacy call, reminding me that my prescription is ready. I glance at the car seat in the corner, wishing I had opted for it instead of the Bjorn. Frustration kicks in, and I transfer him to the car seat, only for him to wake up right away.
This back-and-forth dance also plays out during feeding times. There are days I like to keep track of when he last nursed, so I can decipher his cries—are they from hunger, or just tiredness? Scheduled feeds give me a sense of freedom; I can leave him with my partner, Ben, and know he’s doing well.
But then there are those moments when I bump his head on the car seat handle, and instinct kicks in; I know nursing will soothe him. So, I sit in the car and nurse him, even though I just did at home. He smiles at me, and in that moment, I feel empowered.
Yet, later that same day, amid the dinner chaos, Leo fusses in Ben’s arms. My hands are full, and I can’t tell if he really needs to eat or if it can wait. Again, I find myself torn.
I love having Leo snuggled up close in bed, until I want some quiet time with Ben. I enjoy knowing he’s safe in his crib, until I have to keep getting up to soothe him. I love our walks in the stroller, until he cries and I wish I had the Bjorn. The cycle continues, and I can’t be the only one feeling this pull.
Why can’t we embrace a combination? Why can’t we wear our babies and also let them cry it out? Is it too much to ask to schedule one feeding while letting them demand the next?
When the doctor asked how often I nurse, I paused, unsure how to respond. “Sometimes it’s 50 times a day, sometimes it’s just 8. It really depends.” She smiled and said it was okay, noting that my main priority should be how I’m doing.
That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? This parenting battle only leaves us feeling defensive and confused. We should be able to embrace both sides of the parenting spectrum, whether it’s baby-wearing or timed feeds.
So, let’s just be ourselves, moms who make the best choices for our little ones each day. I’m both a scheduled mom and an on-demand mom, and you know what? I feel empowered.
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In summary, let’s embrace the complexity of motherhood together. Many of us navigate the gray areas, and that’s perfectly okay.