5 Things I Regret Saying to My Partner After Our First Child

Eight years ago, I welcomed my first child into the world at just 24. I was inexperienced, anxious, and frankly, a bit clueless. This led me to say some pretty thoughtless things to my partner, and I still feel remorseful about it. So, here’s a chat with my past self in hopes that new dads can avoid my blunders.

1. When can we resume intimacy?

Oh, poor you. Struggling to wait a few months for intimacy. Your partner just went through the monumental task of delivering a baby—whether through C-section or otherwise—and you’re worried about your own desires? Seriously, give her body some time to heal. She deserves a break after all that effort!

2. When will we start working out again?

Nice try with the “we,” but your partner hears, “You need to hurry up and lose that baby weight.” What a way to reinforce her insecurities! Remember, she’s adjusting to a new baby and a new body. You fell in love with her for so much more than her looks, so give her the support she needs during this transition.

3. I’m so tired.

I get it—parenting is exhausting. But bringing it up with your partner can make her feel like she needs to comfort you, which is not her job right now. She’s focused on healing and caring for the baby. Save your tiredness talks for a buddy, and let her concentrate on her recovery.

4. Do I really have to change the baby?

Yes, you absolutely do! Parenthood is a partnership, and that includes diaper duty. Embrace the chance to help out in this way. You can make a big difference just by being willing to pitch in, so stop whining and take pride in your role.

5. Three months off work? Must be nice!

No, it’s not a vacation! Your partner is using this time to heal and bond with the baby. Ideally, she should take whatever time she needs, be it three months or three years. What you really mean to say is that you wish you had time off to support her and connect as a family. It’s frustrating that you don’t get paternity leave, but don’t project that onto her.

If you enjoyed this piece, check out some of our other posts on parenting and fertility, like the one about home insemination techniques at Intracervical Insemination. Also, for more insights on artificial insemination, take a look at Make A Mom’s Cryobaby Kit, they provide great resources for this journey. And for comprehensive information on treating infertility, visit ACOG’s FAQs.

In summary, being a new parent is filled with challenges, and what you say matters. Think carefully about your words, support your partner, and embrace your new role together.