Lessons Learned During Your Partner’s Military Leave

Today marks my final morning of waking up solo. It’s the last day I’ll balance brushing my teeth on one foot while preventing my rambunctious ten-month-old from exploring the toilet. It’s the last time I’ll prepare breakfast for my three-year-old while nursing my teething baby. And it’s the last night I’ll collapse on my bed, head in my hands, mentally replaying every little stressor that has brought me to tears. Tomorrow, my husband returns home.

Being a military spouse comes with unexpected challenges—whether it’s dealing with a dropped call during a crucial conversation, which spirals into frustration and anxiety, or leaning on family, friends, and neighbors to maintain some semblance of sanity during long separations. This journey has undoubtedly been a tough one for our family, pulling us in different directions and ultimately, making us stronger.

Lesson 1: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

When people offer assistance, it’s easy to dismiss it out of pride. But trust me, your pride isn’t worth your sanity. Be specific about what you need; otherwise, they might not know how to support you.

Lesson 2: You can’t do it all.

I had to compromise and sometimes choose the lesser of two evils. My kids watched more TV than I’d like to admit, and yes, we had our fair share of McDonald’s meals. But sometimes, survival trumps guilt.

Lesson 3: Both of you are struggling, just in different ways.

Amidst the teething, tantrums, and sleepless nights, I often felt resentment. My husband was enjoying uninterrupted sleep while I was knee-deep in chaos. But he was missing out too—he missed all those precious milestones.

Lesson 4: Emotions run high.

Both of you are raw and vulnerable, making it easy for small issues to escalate. Conflicts will happen; you’ll lose your temper, and that’s okay.

Lesson 5: Expect the unexpected.

If something can go wrong, it probably will. We faced everything from health scares to malfunctioning sprinklers and job changes.

Lesson 6: The best advice I received wasn’t “It’ll fly by” (it didn’t), “We’ll always help” (not true), or “You’ll be fine” (I wasn’t).

It was simply this: “You’ll discover how capable you are and be proud of that.” I learned how strong I could be, even when I felt weak behind closed doors.

While I hope we never have to endure this again, it’s a possibility. My message is for those navigating this challenging time: know that you’re not alone. For those who don’t understand, remember there are families going through similar struggles. A kind word or gesture can mean the world.

Here’s to all the families taking it one day at a time, one minute at a time. Although I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, I’ve learned my family is more resilient because of it.

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Summary:

Navigating life as a military spouse during leave is filled with unexpected lessons. From the importance of seeking help to recognizing both partners’ struggles, the journey can be challenging yet transformative. Through it all, families grow stronger together.