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I’m Spirited for My Age
It’s curious how you can feel more at ease with yourself as the years pass, even when age seems to give you fewer reasons to feel that way. When you’re young and conventionally attractive, insecurities often rule your life. One of the perks of getting older is that you start to release those burdens. —Inspired by Helen Mirren
We all have that moment when we catch our reflection in someone else’s gaze, and it serves as a harsh reminder of reality.
Every week, I join my younger colleagues for bar trivia, where they appreciate my knowledge of obscure trivia, from ancient Sanskrit deities to Pink Floyd and even 70’s adult films. We indulge a little too much, munch on fried pickles, and sometimes make up answers just to see how many people we can lead astray. A few weeks back, when one of the girls forgot her wallet, I covered her tab, teasing her as I handed my card to the waiter.
“It’s okay,” he said to her, “sometimes my mom has to bail me out, too.”
Yes, he’s alive and well—mainly because I could easily be her mother. His mother, too.
I knew it, but it’s been gnawing at me ever since. It got worse after I shared a post online about body image, featuring a full-length photo of myself and revealing my age.
I’m 47. What was I thinking? Now people will start to add “for her age” to every compliment. “She looks great for her age.” “Can you believe she still dresses like that/drinks that/takes pictures of herself at her age?” I hope I am still that tech-savvy at her age.
Do only obnoxious people use phrases like “tech-savvy”? Then there’s the label “feisty.”
And then, oh joy—menopause. That’s when you surrender everything, right? Sex? Beauty? Energy? Sanity? And then you just fade away?
A quick Google search reveals some perks of menopause:
- No more periods!
- You’ll be thrilled about that.
- No more buying feminine hygiene products.
- Yay!
- You can’t get pregnant!
- Yay!
- No periods! How cool is that?
- No PMS because, well…
- No periods!
- YAY!
Another site highlights women in their 50s as “the new face” of menopause, but every woman on that list seems to have had some sort of cosmetic surgery. That’s fine, but don’t sell me the idea that “50 is the new 30” when it’s backed up by women striving to meet unrealistic standards of ageless beauty.
Why not let 50 just be the new 50?
I know it won’t be easy, and I’m certain I’ll have at least one freak-out moment in the coming years. Growing up, I heard that Oil of Olay model with imaginary wrinkles confidently proclaim, “I don’t intend to grow old gracefully. I intend to fight it every step of the way.”
They’re talking about lotion for your face, not climbing a mountain. Isn’t it interesting how they twist a superficial concept into something that sounds empowering?
From my perspective—one that has shifted significantly since I was 30—we gain so much from focusing on our health, our well-being, and our relationships. We gain nothing from spending a fortune on creams or procedures to uphold a false narrative. It’s nothing but disappointment waiting to happen as we try to meet cultural beauty standards that have set us up to fail from the very beginning.
But hey, don’t mind me. I’m just spirited.
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Summary
A light-hearted take on aging and the societal pressures that come with it. The author reflects on her experiences with younger colleagues, the notion of beauty standards, and the upcoming challenges of menopause, all while questioning the unrealistic expectations placed on women as they age.